3 key lessons I took away from a 1h coaching session with Kim Crayton.
The line between mentoring and gaslighting a marginalized person is thin.
I cannot give advice on how to navigate the hierarchy of the company because I do not share the lived experience of my mentee. My white male privilege grants me safety that doesn’t require me to be constantly strategic about my interactions with others.
Example: I cannot tell a marginalized mentee to “just have an honest conversation” with their manager. There are dynamics at play that I cannot understand.
Being a mentor is like feeding a hungry person.
There is a power dynamic at play that mentors need to acknowledge. Asking for something is not the same as asking a peer.
Example: Asking my mentee for advice based on their lived experience is emotional labor. But they might agree despite their discomfort because they fear I could withhold my mentoring.
My mentee is a target for people who wish me harm.
It comes down to one of Kim’s guiding principles: prioritize the most vulnerable. I must understand and create strategy that acknowledges that when I speak out about marginalization at GitHub, I will upset people. But due to being prioritized, these people may target the most vulnerable; the very individuals I seek to protect.
Example: when I speak out about marginalization at GitHub it will upset people with power. They will go after the most vulnerable people that I care about.
I highly recommend to follow Kim on Mastodon or Twitter, and buy her new book: Profit Without Oppression on from your local or independent bookseller.
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