The Agile Manifesto is now old enough to rent a car, complain about “kids these days,” and still pretend it’s a rebel. But let’s be real: Agile 2025 is about as rebellious as a corporate diversity training module.
When Agile showed up in 2001, it wasn’t a checklist. It wasn’t a cult. It was punk rock for software teams — a middle finger to the heavy, soul-crushing processes of the time. Collaboration over contracts. Working software over documentation. Responding to change over rigid plans. Radical stuff.
Now? It’s all rituals, roles, and rules. We traded freedom for frameworks. We took something lean and fast and stapled meetings, metrics, and middle management all over it until it became… whatever this is now.
Agile Today: Death by Ceremony
- Daily standups that last longer than your lunch break.
- Sprint planning that could be replaced by a sticky note that says “Do the stuff we agreed on.”
- Retrospectives that end with the same action items every time — because nobody changes anything.
- Burndown charts that exist purely so managers can panic about imaginary problems.
Somewhere along the line, “being Agile” became more important than actually delivering software.
The Real Problem
Agile got commercialized. Framework vendors, consultants, and certification factories moved in like raccoons in your codebase. The result: we’re spending more time “being Agile” than actually being effective. We’re in a process cosplay — pretending to adapt while rigidly following rules written by someone who’s never seen our product.
The Replacement: GetSh*tDone™
Forget the laminated manifesto. Forget the $500 training. Forget the cargo cult rituals.
Here’s the philosophy:
Ship fast. Adapt faster. Cut the crap.
And yes, it comes with “ceremonies” — but ours actually get you back to coding.
The Official GetSh*tDone™ Ceremonies:
- Standup → “Say Something or Shut Up” You’re blocked? Say it. You’re fine? Say “I’m fine.” Done in under 5 minutes or you buy coffee for the team.
- Sprint Planning → “Let’s Not Overthink This” Pick the work you know you can ship. If the meeting takes longer than ordering pizza, you’re doing it wrong.
- Sprint Review → “Look What We Did” Show it working. If it’s broken, own it. No slide decks. No graphs. Just product.
- Retrospective → “Therapy Session” Air the dirty laundry. Sarcasm allowed. End with one — and only one — thing to fix next time.
- Backlog Refinement → “Spring Cleaning” If a ticket’s been there for 6 months, delete it. If it’s important, it’ll come back.
- Burndown Chart → “We’re Still Here, Aren’t We?” The only metric that matters: Are we shipping? Are users happy? Cool.
Why This Works
GetSh*tDone isn’t about killing Agile — it’s about saving it from itself. It keeps the spirit of short feedback loops, team collaboration, and rapid delivery… without the ceremony creep and certification fluff.
Because in the end, users don’t care if you’re following Scrum, Kanban, or interpretive dance. They just care that the product works — and works now.
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