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Joran Honig
Joran Honig

Posted on • Updated on

5 rules for writing (in)secure code, without anyone noticing!

Follow these 5 rules to write bugs without anyone noticing.

  1. Do not run any unit tests. Ever.
    You'll want to be adding bugs during a big refactoring, nobody will notice!
    Unless you're running unit tests that is! Turn them off!

  2. Linting?
    No more linting! Code smells are awesome for hiding bugs in plain sight. Easy win!

  3. No more vulnerability scanning
    Those vuln scanners in CI are just what we don't need. Take any chance to avoid security checks, you'll thank me later!

  4. Alcohol!
    The Ballmer Peak is real! Get that nice bottle of whiskey and pour yourself a few fingers. The added creativity will make your bugs so much more interesting!
    Just take care to not accidentally write bug-free code.

  5. No pair programming, ever.
    This is an obvious one. It's just way too easy for your partner to spot bugs as you're writing them.
    Pro Tip: Complain about not being able to get into flow when you're not alone.

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