Daily Routine of a Texan Software Developer

#jokes #watercooler

Many people talk about 10x Developers, but deep down, we all know that what matters is being a TEx Developer. A developer in Texas. A resilient, resourceful, and experienced code (and horse) whisperer. It ain't our first rodeo.

Here's a documented insight into a regular day in the life of a typical Software Developer in the great state of Texas. Follow this schedule, and you'll become a TEx Developer... or get a heart attack by age 38. Results may vary.

5:00 - Wake up
Put a cowboy hat on, walk out the door, and confirm that the stars are big and bright.
5:02 - Go back to bed
Being a 10x Developer is for California lads. TEx Developers, real Developers, sleep their hours.
7:00 - Get up
Prepare a light breakfast: bacon, scrambled eggs, biscuits, and gravy.
7:30 - Get ready for work
Look out for rattlesnakes inside the boots. Get some guns. Drive around the ranch in the gator, opening some gates for the longhorns to walk around the fields.

Photo by Daniel Lloyd Blunk-Fernández on Unsplash
8:30 - Work
Three 42-inch screens feel small. Add a reminder to add a fourth one later. Everything is bigger in Texas.
9:30 - Coffee break
Black coffee. No sugar. Add some leftover gravy or BBQ sauce for extra flavor if it's a special occasion.
10:00 - Daily stand-up
One minute singing the National Anthem. One minute reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. One minute praying. Twelve minutes discussing yesterday's tasks and the ones we will do today.
10:15 - Reflection
Wonder what this cold white thing falling from the sky the Yankees were complaining about during the daily stand-up was. "Shno"? Google it.
10:30 - Work
Code in C (no ++, Rust, and definitely no sugar-coated programming languages). The real deal: pointers, memory allocations, double-quoted strings... Wish we could program in TEX all day.
12:00 - Lunch break
Light lunch: chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, and a peach cobbler.
12:30 - Work
Code a corporate website in HTML and CSS. Would it be possible to do it just using ::befores and ::afters?
14:00 - Coffee break
Used the half-gallon mug. Everything is bigger in Texas.
14:15 - Reflection
Fifteen minutes to remember the Alamo.

Photo by Lesli Whitecotton on Unsplash
14:30 - Work
The big stretch of work. Boring. Decide to name all variables based on The Alamo heroes. Create a PR. Rename all variables inspired by Texans rivers East-to-West. Update PR. Rename all variables to some boring stuff based on feedback. Glad there's still a bit of coffee left. May need to brew more.
17:30 - End of work
Lock the computer in the safe with the rifles. Chill for a little bit with some unsweetened tea.
18:15 - Reflection
Repeat some "y'all" and "yeehaw" in front of the mirror. Too many Californians in Texas lately. Scared to turn into one of them and lose the beautiful Texas accent.
18:30 - Dinner
Light dinner: brisket, jalapeno sausage, cream corn, beans, and pecan pie.
19:00 - Shopping
Drive pickup truck to Walmart to get a new 42-inch monitor. Consider buying new 55-inch monitors instead. Everything is bigger in Texas.
19:45 - Evening snack
Get a Whataburger on the way back home. Then, stop by HEB to get Creamy Creations ice cream. Bluebell is nice, but Creamy Creations is the bee's knees. Wonder if HEB will sell monitors one day.
20:15 - Relax time
Watch a Dallas Cowboys game, and experience the inevitable disappointment of another interception by Romo/Prescott/whoever-the-quarterback-is-in-this-taped-game.
22:50 - Wrapping up the day
Walk out the door. Confirm that the stars at night are big and bright (clap, clap, clap, clap). Think of the loved one. Take the cowboy hat and guns off. Put a onesie on.

Photo by Carrie Borden on Unsplash
23:00 - Sleep
Dream big dreams of Texas, Freedom, and Independence.