Your manager likes a two line message in the morning. The product lead seems to ignore every message and then asks you the same thing in a meeting. The architect replies to quick chat questions with visible impatience but loves a short written proposal.
You have probably been learning this by trial and error, and some of the errors were expensive. There is a faster way. Ask.
It feels oddly formal the first time, so keep it light. When you start working with somebody new, or when your work starts depending on someone, spend two minutes on it. How do you like to get updates from me? Chat, email, a quick call? Do you want the detail, or just the headline and a link? If something goes wrong, how early do you want to know?
People are almost always pleased to be asked, and their answers are rarely what you would have guessed. The director you were afraid to disturb wants to hear about problems the same hour, even half formed. The senior engineer who seemed cold just reads everything in one batch at four o'clock, so a message at ten is not ignored, it is waiting. The product lead does not read chat at all and lives in the ticket comments.
Write the answers down somewhere you will see them. A few lines per person is enough. Then actually use them, which is the part most people skip. Send the manager the headline. Put the product question in the ticket. Save the architect's questions for one written note on Friday.
Two things to watch. First, your own preferences do not disappear. If somebody wants every update by phone and that does not work for you, say so and find a middle. Second, preferences change. A person under a deadline wants less from you than the same person in a quiet month, and a new role brings new habits. Ask again when things shift.
Most communication advice tells you how to write well in general. This is the part nobody writes down. The best message is the one shaped for the specific person reading it, and the easiest way to learn that shape is to ask them.
– Asael Shinder
Top comments (0)