Here is a blind spot almost nobody checks.
You have probably worked at getting better at receiving feedback. You have learned not to argue, to ask for specifics, to sit with the uncomfortable ones.
But how do you know whether your own feedback is any good.
You get almost no signal on it. People nod. They say thanks, that is helpful. They walk away, and you never find out whether they understood you, whether they could act on what you said, or whether they went home and felt flattened by a comment you thought was minor.
So ask. Not about the topic. About the delivery.
A week after a real conversation, go back and ask something like this. When we talked about the design review, was that useful, and was there a way I could have said it that would have been easier to hear.
Then be quiet and let it be awkward for a moment, because the first answer will be reassurance and the second one is the real one.
You will learn things that surprise you.
You will find that the point you thought you made gently was not received as gently at all, especially if you outrank them. Seniority amplifies everything you say. A mild observation from you can land as a verdict.
You will find that some of your feedback was too vague to use. Be more assertive in reviews is a wish, not an instruction. They nodded because they did not know what to ask.
You will find that your timing was off. Correct feedback delivered while somebody is mid crisis is just extra weight.
And occasionally you will find that the hard thing you agonised over for a week was the most useful conversation they had that year, which is worth knowing too, because it will make you braver next time.
The people best placed to tell you this are the ones you have given feedback to most often. They have the data.
Everyone in a senior seat believes they give feedback well. Very few have ever checked.
Go and check.
– Asael Shinder
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