You have been going back and forth with someone in another team for two days. Each message takes you twenty minutes to write, each reply raises another question, and the problem is no closer to being solved. You know a ten minute call would probably sort it out. You also know you will write a sixth message instead, because the idea of calling makes your stomach tighten.
This is far more common than people admit, especially among developers. Writing gives you time to think, to check, to edit out anything that sounds silly. A call takes that away. You might be asked something you cannot answer, you might pause too long, you might sound unsure. So you stay with the slower channel, because it feels safer.
The trouble is that written conversations are bad at some things. They are bad at ambiguity, at finding out what the other person actually means, and at problems where each answer changes the next question. Those are the moments where a short call saves hours for both of you.
Start by making the call smaller. You do not need to ring someone out of the blue. Send a message first. Could we jump on a ten minute call this afternoon? I think it would be quicker than going back and forth. Most people are relieved to be asked.
Then prepare, the way you would for a message. Write three lines before the call. What you need to find out, what you already know, and the decision you hope to reach. Having that in front of you takes away most of the fear of your mind going blank.
During the call, it is fine to pause. Let me think about that for a second. It is fine to say you will check something and come back. Nobody expects you to have everything ready, and the other person is usually thinking as hard as you are.
Afterwards, send a short written summary. So we agreed that your team will add the field and we will switch over next week. This keeps the strength of writing, a record people can check, and it means you do not have to remember every detail while you are still talking.
Then do it again, a little sooner each time. The anxiety does not vanish because you decide it should. It fades because you collect evidence that calls usually go fine. After a handful of them you will start to notice the problems that are clearly call shaped, and you will reach for one without the long wait first.
Writing is still a great tool. It just should not be the only one you feel able to use.
– Asael Shinder
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