You typed it between two meetings. Can you call me when you get a sec. Or: why is this still open? Or just: we need to talk about the release. To you it was efficient. On the other end, somebody read it three times and spent the next hour assuming they were in trouble.
Text removes almost everything people normally use to judge how something is meant. Your face, your tone, the half smile, the fact that you were in a hurry and not annoyed. The reader has only the words, and when the words are short and the purpose is missing, they fill the gap. They rarely fill it kindly. They fill it with whatever they were already worried about.
This gets worse with every step of seniority between you. The shorter the message and the higher the sender, the more meaning gets read into it. A lead who writes a one word why under somebody's change may simply be curious. The person reading it at nine in the evening does not experience it as curiosity.
The fix does not require warmth you do not feel or a paragraph of pleasantries. It needs one piece of information: what this is about and how urgent it is.
Can you call me when you have a minute? Nothing wrong, I want your view on the migration timeline. Five extra words, and the reader's afternoon stays intact.
Why is this still open? becomes: is anything blocking this one? Happy to help if it is waiting on someone. The same question, asked as a question.
A few habits help. Before you send, read your message once as the most anxious person on your team would read it. Never send can we talk with no subject, and never late on a Friday. And if you notice somebody reading a message of yours the wrong way, repair it in a line rather than letting it stand.
You will not always manage it. But these small messages add up to how safe people feel bringing things to you, and that is worth a few extra words every time.
Monday: look back through your last ten sent messages and find the one most likely to have been misread.
– Asael Shinder
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