This might describe a bit how you're feeling.
I don't think there is a silver bullet, as everyone comes at this issue with different experiences. Seems like you felt pretty tokenized. For what it's worth, I think it's possible to be thoughtful about how gender dynamics might affect a situation without having to address someone as a woman and treating people of underrepresented like others. Dancing around an issue when it should be addressed is also not right in its own context.
It's a lot of little things for me and it usually boils down to doing a lot of listening and learning a lot of little lessons as you go.
We're a place where coders share, stay up-to-date and grow their careers.
We strive for transparency and don't collect excess data.