If you are working in a team, conflicts are bound to happen. It can be a small disagreement about tabs or spaces or something bigger.
Dealing with conflicts is an important soft skill to learn.
Please share a disagreement or an issue you had with a colleague and how you resolved it.
Oldest comments (17)
Solving disagreements can be a very tricky thing. I think a good way is to have a meeting between the two of you and possibly a neutral third party. So you can talk through your grievances and come to a solution that suits all parties.
Yes, a third party can be really helpful if you can't solve it on your own.
True because if you just have two hot headed people in one room its not going to end well. There needs to be a calm head in the middle to keep them under control 😅
Believe we are not talking especially for coder colleagues but the whole world, ok? I know how to handle the conflict but when it come I do not have enough intelligence to pass it as I know. The key is - stope with your pride and "I believe I'm right and I need you to make believe it". This is even if you really right. 90% of conflicts are like battle and nobody wants to loose. If you will not care about it the conflict will reduced itself. P.S. Neutral is cool as other comments suggestions.
Poorly at times
Pay attention to your own ego, even if you're right. Sometimes the other party can't admit they were wrong, but will still change their mind for next time. It's important not to hold it over them.
Of course, it's always tough, but those are some thoughts.
Be the change you want to see in the world 😇
To quote Haruki Murakami:
Conflicts of ideas is mostly good. It forces each side to think deeper.
Conflicts of personalities are hard. For me the best way is to disassociate if repeated attempts to come together fail. As I mature in this area I know my boundaries better and can remove damaging myself by removing myself earlier. That way my big mouth has no chance.
This clear separation of different types of conflicts is great. It's something I've been feeling but unable articulate. Thanks for sharing!
Yes...it's like a snake in the grass. I lost so many snake fights because my personality is to fight. Not any more, I just push back until I realize I need to stop. When I hit that wall, I simply shut down. It's easy to do when we realize there's a million other technical challenges we can focus on. My time is precious and it's not worth wasting.
I absolutely agree. I think comments on pull requests or tickets are even worse than slack.
My current employer offered some really good training called "Crucial Conversations"
You can see the book here: amazon.com/dp/1260474186
And here is a site where you can get training: cruciallearning.com/
To me, you have to keep in mind the fact that you're at work.
It might seem obvious, but I've already seen people forget it and exceed all limits. Specific laws apply at work, and you should react quietly, even if you feel outraged or misunderstood.
For minor conflicts, just a simple bout of fisticuffs. For major conflicts, pistols at dawn. And for conflicts that are even larger than that — such as spaces versus tabs — full scale flamewar.
The easiest way to deal with conflicts is to listen and evaluate what the other person is saying first before putting up our own point 🙂.
Most people have the tendency to speak up their point first 🗨. We all will agree that putting up our point is something that always pinches us while being in a discussion or debate. Right?
Yes that's the reason why most conflicts don't reach a conclusion. Because either of their sides are not ready to listen to the point of view of the other party. It's good to put up your point💁♂️. But it's even more important to listen and evaluate what others are saying, maybe they also have a valid point and both people in the discussion are actually right in their own position 🙊.
Same as two people looking towards 6 from front and back side. For first person it's 6 and for other person it's 9 and both are right.🤗
Highly recommend the book “Crucial Conversations”
cruciallearning.com/