Great question and really glad to see this being asked.
I'm a single father with co-parenting 50% setup and have wondered the same things so thought I'd share a few things I've considered.
Being present
This is possibly the most impactful aspect of freeing up brain time. I've found that if I approach being a Dad with as much interest and "presence" as I have done to my tech skills or projects then it prevents me from experiencing the anxiety you might feel because of not being with your child. For example - sharing time where I'm with my boy, phones off alert learning to ride his bike for 2 hours psychologically protects me from the guilt of then spending some time on my laptop whilst he plays.
Multiple Identities
Really recommend a book called Stretch by Scott Sonenshein, lots of themes in there for successful businesses but also an area on parenting and the detail that we as humans have multiple identities. Sometimes when becoming a parent, we can feel (or face people making us feel) like now our only identity is that of a parent but actually the skills from one identity, the tech lead, the CTO, the Site Reliability Engineer can really benefit the skills of other identities, the parent, the Dad! So when in side project mode those parenting skills of time management, mediation, chaos engineering (joke) actually come in really useful when you're in "work mode".
Finding your productive time
I think a few people have mentioned this but knowing when you actually have brain power to do personal projects or personal development is key too. At first I looked at doing things after bed time but found that I was getting stressed or felt unproductive, grubby working late so moved to doing things before my boy wakes up. Doing that once a week suited me. Of course work out what is your best pattern.
Viciously Prioritise
This is the toughest part. You might have to give one thing up in order to do another. Same way that we might plan a sprint, you might have to prioritise what you decide to spend your free time on. And with your "backlog" remember its not a "never" its a "not this sprint" - so for example I have times where I had to give up certain social aspects in favour of upskilling. Final tip from me is to give yourself breaks from tech and coding/engineering etc. I always find that stepping back from being hands on for a few weeks means that when I come back I have all the passion and interest re-invigorated ready to continue.
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Great question and really glad to see this being asked.
I'm a single father with co-parenting 50% setup and have wondered the same things so thought I'd share a few things I've considered.
Being present
This is possibly the most impactful aspect of freeing up brain time. I've found that if I approach being a Dad with as much interest and "presence" as I have done to my tech skills or projects then it prevents me from experiencing the anxiety you might feel because of not being with your child. For example - sharing time where I'm with my boy, phones off alert learning to ride his bike for 2 hours psychologically protects me from the guilt of then spending some time on my laptop whilst he plays.
Multiple Identities
Really recommend a book called Stretch by Scott Sonenshein, lots of themes in there for successful businesses but also an area on parenting and the detail that we as humans have multiple identities. Sometimes when becoming a parent, we can feel (or face people making us feel) like now our only identity is that of a parent but actually the skills from one identity, the tech lead, the CTO, the Site Reliability Engineer can really benefit the skills of other identities, the parent, the Dad! So when in side project mode those parenting skills of time management, mediation, chaos engineering (joke) actually come in really useful when you're in "work mode".
Finding your productive time
I think a few people have mentioned this but knowing when you actually have brain power to do personal projects or personal development is key too. At first I looked at doing things after bed time but found that I was getting stressed or felt unproductive, grubby working late so moved to doing things before my boy wakes up. Doing that once a week suited me. Of course work out what is your best pattern.
Viciously Prioritise
This is the toughest part. You might have to give one thing up in order to do another. Same way that we might plan a sprint, you might have to prioritise what you decide to spend your free time on. And with your "backlog" remember its not a "never" its a "not this sprint" - so for example I have times where I had to give up certain social aspects in favour of upskilling. Final tip from me is to give yourself breaks from tech and coding/engineering etc. I always find that stepping back from being hands on for a few weeks means that when I come back I have all the passion and interest re-invigorated ready to continue.