Good on you for putting it out there like this - the more developers that are open about it, the less we beat ourselves up thinking it's abnormal.
I'm reading this at 3AM, having gotten up to fix a bug (I work from home), so that I can sleep again! It's a terrible cycle that I've been feeding, making relaxation contingent on having zero defects in some bit of code. I'm still trying to work that out.
Working remotely, the majority of feedback I get from clients is about bugs and features they are waiting for. When things go well, it's usually complete radio silence. That can be deadly.
It's so unfortunate that, in this industry, even if we do 99% of things perfectly, the emphasis is still on the 1% that is defective. I think it's a great idea to offset that with some way of acknowledging what did go well, which I think is a sign of a great work culture.
Regarding impostor syndrome, Elena had some priceless advice about fighting it:
As I understand it, her technique involves catching ourselves when we find ourselves using unnecessarily self-critical language. Being wary of how that kind of language frames things in our minds, and nipping it in the bud.
I remember having to quit a Java job once because the imposter syndrome was so bad that my brain just ground to a halt and I couldn't perform anymore. Every change I'd make to the codebase had that uneasiness to it, that made it extra work. Would have made a big difference if there was a little positive re-enforcement as well, instead of just that "Dozy Duck" toy that sat on the desk of whoever broke the build last, to shame them!
Thank you for the link and sharing your experience. Hope you can get back to sleep after the emergency bug fix :S
My sister ... a lawyer ...not a developer had some words of wisdom for me after listening to me vent. "You're not saving lives, nothing is that much of an emergency that you need to work all night doing it". She's absolutely right, in that the focus on getting 100% of the work done 100% perfectly can mean long unnecessary hours and some pretty awful self-talk.
I'm changing my focus to try and remember that, but it's easy to say and harder to do.
Blame and shame culture at a workplace serves no one. We share our successes and blames as a team and support those that need to learn more to improve.
I get down on myself sometimes too much, but at the same time, can point out a toxicity that is encouraged to put too much empahasis on competition with others instead of with yourself to improve yourself for a team.
I have thought about work or a bug at 3am but I didn't get up to work on it. It can wait until tomorrow.
Having a supportive workplace can suss out this sort of behaviour and help you not do this (I'm reading that the 3am bug wasn't an emergency but you worried and couldn't sleep). I sense there is residual feelings from the blame and shame place that may create this action. Sounds like that place is in the past. Easier said than done, I know.
I've quit a job where I just simply wasn't supported. Then again, I don't think I was that special there but I didn't like the feeling so I went elsewhere and promised to myself I wouldn't do that to myself again.
Yeah I'm good thanks Kat, hope you are too. That job I quit was back in 2009, and I've had lots of good work experiences since then, so not much residual feelings left from that. I've had a couple of slightly iffy workplaces in the past, and they were valuable for recognizing certain things to avoid. A certain swagger that management had, that I've learned to recognize.
For me, current anxieties are a combination of being an immigrant with a small child to care for, working remotely for clients I've never even met, that creates a perfect combo of insecurities that seem to peak in the late evening. And then the next morning it's all sweet again, it's nuts. But I reckon I've got this thing wired now, with a bit of help from a cognitive psych therapist.
I'm sure this is a very common thing with remote developers.
Though I think I'd better get off my butt and start networking, going to more conventions, meetups etc, because a purely remote connection with other developers just feels way to virtual!
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Good on you for putting it out there like this - the more developers that are open about it, the less we beat ourselves up thinking it's abnormal.
I'm reading this at 3AM, having gotten up to fix a bug (I work from home), so that I can sleep again! It's a terrible cycle that I've been feeding, making relaxation contingent on having zero defects in some bit of code. I'm still trying to work that out.
Working remotely, the majority of feedback I get from clients is about bugs and features they are waiting for. When things go well, it's usually complete radio silence. That can be deadly.
It's so unfortunate that, in this industry, even if we do 99% of things perfectly, the emphasis is still on the 1% that is defective. I think it's a great idea to offset that with some way of acknowledging what did go well, which I think is a sign of a great work culture.
Regarding impostor syndrome, Elena had some priceless advice about fighting it:
dev.to/ice_lenor/one-useful-advice...
As I understand it, her technique involves catching ourselves when we find ourselves using unnecessarily self-critical language. Being wary of how that kind of language frames things in our minds, and nipping it in the bud.
I remember having to quit a Java job once because the imposter syndrome was so bad that my brain just ground to a halt and I couldn't perform anymore. Every change I'd make to the codebase had that uneasiness to it, that made it extra work. Would have made a big difference if there was a little positive re-enforcement as well, instead of just that "Dozy Duck" toy that sat on the desk of whoever broke the build last, to shame them!
Regarding imposter syndrome, I also quit my web dev job last month.
Thank you for the link and sharing your experience. Hope you can get back to sleep after the emergency bug fix :S
My sister ... a lawyer ...not a developer had some words of wisdom for me after listening to me vent. "You're not saving lives, nothing is that much of an emergency that you need to work all night doing it". She's absolutely right, in that the focus on getting 100% of the work done 100% perfectly can mean long unnecessary hours and some pretty awful self-talk.
I'm changing my focus to try and remember that, but it's easy to say and harder to do.
Blame and shame culture at a workplace serves no one. We share our successes and blames as a team and support those that need to learn more to improve.
I get down on myself sometimes too much, but at the same time, can point out a toxicity that is encouraged to put too much empahasis on competition with others instead of with yourself to improve yourself for a team.
I have thought about work or a bug at 3am but I didn't get up to work on it. It can wait until tomorrow.
Having a supportive workplace can suss out this sort of behaviour and help you not do this (I'm reading that the 3am bug wasn't an emergency but you worried and couldn't sleep). I sense there is residual feelings from the blame and shame place that may create this action. Sounds like that place is in the past. Easier said than done, I know.
I've quit a job where I just simply wasn't supported. Then again, I don't think I was that special there but I didn't like the feeling so I went elsewhere and promised to myself I wouldn't do that to myself again.
I hope you are doing well.
Yeah I'm good thanks Kat, hope you are too. That job I quit was back in 2009, and I've had lots of good work experiences since then, so not much residual feelings left from that. I've had a couple of slightly iffy workplaces in the past, and they were valuable for recognizing certain things to avoid. A certain swagger that management had, that I've learned to recognize.
For me, current anxieties are a combination of being an immigrant with a small child to care for, working remotely for clients I've never even met, that creates a perfect combo of insecurities that seem to peak in the late evening. And then the next morning it's all sweet again, it's nuts. But I reckon I've got this thing wired now, with a bit of help from a cognitive psych therapist.
I'm sure this is a very common thing with remote developers.
Though I think I'd better get off my butt and start networking, going to more conventions, meetups etc, because a purely remote connection with other developers just feels way to virtual!