So Trump wants to rename the “Department of Defense” to the “Department of War.”
A bold move, apparently to “call things what they are.”
And honestly? I get it. Sometimes the name doesn’t match the job. Like when we call it software maintenance but it’s really digital crisis management. Or when “user experience” sounds like empathy, but it’s actually just an arms race for clicks.
So, in the spirit of “truth in branding,” here are a few updates I propose for the software industry.
- Software Maintenance → Emergency Code Response Force
Let’s stop pretending maintenance is calm or proactive.
You don’t “maintain” code — you intervene when it collapses. You’re basically a firefighter with Git access, responding to alerts like “critical production incident” while your coffee still burns your tongue.
Half the time, maintenance means fixing something you didn’t even build. The original developer left no comments, no docs, and probably no guilt.
“Maintenance”? Nah. This is damage control with unit tests.
- User Experience → User Domination Strategy
UX sounds friendly, like “we care about our users.” Cute.
But let’s be honest — our goal isn’t to make people happy. It’s to make them tap the button that makes us money.
We A/B test emotions, track eye movement, and call it “optimizing engagement.”
“User Domination Strategy” at least admits what’s going on: a psychological tug-of-war where your dopamine budget is the battlefield.
- Code Review → Developer Judgment Tribunal
“Review” sounds collegial.
Reality? It’s an interrogation.
A dev submits a PR. Then the Tribunal assembles. Comments fly:
• “Could this be cleaner?” (Translation: this code offends me personally.)
• “We might want to rethink this pattern.” (Translation: I’d do it differently, therefore you’re wrong.)
At the end, your fate is decided by a green check or a polite “request changes.”
Let’s just call it what it is — a trial by Git.
- Technical Debt → Future Developer Punishment Fund
Technical debt makes it sound manageable, like a financial instrument.
But in reality, it’s a time bomb you’re wrapping in Jira tickets labeled “to do someday.”
It’s not “debt” — it’s booby traps in the codebase.
Every shortcut we take today is a love letter to the poor soul maintaining it tomorrow.
And spoiler alert: that poor soul is usually you, six months from now, cursing Past You.
- Project Management → Scope Enforcement Command
“Project management” suggests planning and coordination.
Ha. No. It’s an ongoing battle between dreams and deadlines.
PMs aren’t managing — they’re enforcing scope with military precision.
Their job is to ensure developers stop trying to “improve” things and just ship something that kind of works before the sprint ends.
Every “nice to have” feature dies in their crossfire.
And rightfully so.
So yeah… maybe Trump’s onto something.
If “Defense” can become “War,” maybe “Maintenance” can become “Crisis Response.”
Maybe “Project Management” can sound like a tactical unit.
And maybe—just maybe—our industry would be more honest if we dropped the sugarcoating.
Because let’s face it: software isn’t a peaceful process.
It’s a never-ending campaign against chaos, complexity, and calendar invites that should’ve been emails.
⸻
Want peace?
Refactor early.
Otherwise, prepare for war.
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