Today was one of those *fire conversation* days with my coding friends. Here's a snippet of our convo centered around starting conversations with professional developers when you're both not hired as one yet *and* introverted. TLDR: Own your path, we're all different, talk more.
Situational awareness in conversations boils down to recognizing how people are and meeting them where they are. If xyz group of people are not that formal, it's likely they will not respond so well to a formal conversation/intro to a person. Then there's this idea of believability. If I'm talking to devs and I want to be perceived as a competent hireable dev, I need to speak as one - as an equal. The way you present yourself is often (and rightfully so) how you will be treated. When you start a conversation, you set the tone for the conversation. "Hey, what's going on, man?" gives a tone of casualness and general chill. "Hello sir, how are you? Can I ask you " gives a more formal tone, which might shift the convo from 2 friends meeting for coffee to a conference room...or worse.
The art of conversation is just that, an art - much like in the visual arts. Some people can just see shapes and colors and draw masterpieces from childhood. Others (like me) have to practice repeatedly until certain things come together otherwise all I can manage is stick figures. Music is an art. In 5th grade we took a "music tone' test to see how well we should be if we were to try and join band. I literally scored 2nd highest of all time without practice or preparation - I'm just naturally gifted with music. Others scored very low but through practice became competent and even great in the band. Conversation is no different - it's an art. There are those who can just walk up to a stranger and kick it off like old buddies - totally natural. Other people like me (maybe you) do well when we practice repeatedly until the point those words not only come out effortlessly but they also produce the effect you're going for. A lot of words just to say talking more makes you a better talker (even if you're typing the convo). Then you can begin to build your own personal feel for just the right approach that works for you.
Meetups are a perfect practice area. Start talking to the new people instead of finding comfort with the people you already know and treat it like an interview. The best part is if you crash and burn no one will care. Intro vs extro is a gross generalization that speaks to comfort levels. A balanced person can enjoy some quiet time alone and mixing it up w/others. Intros mostly enjoy introspection (interaction with self). Extros mostly enjoy interaction with others. In my case, I'm a natural introvert, however to be successful in my prior career I became a learned extrovert to manage the people I dealt with.
A final thought: the process of getting hired as a self-taught developer has no rights and few wrongs. From the number of blog posts I've read (so many!) to the youtube testimonials I've watched (also so many!), what works for 1 person may or may not work or even make sense for another. There is no 1 right path. The process is not one where if you do steps 1-10, you will get a job. There's just no such thing.
What's good to do is maximize your opportunities by doing as many of the best practices you hear and read about that makes sense for you until something falls through. Certain things will be way too outside your wheelhouse to even make sense. I've seen someone recently who literally got his job based on the content of his youtube channel. That won't work for everybody nor should it - highly impractical! Just plug away at it and find out what works for you. That's a different approach from always chasing *one more thing* that someone talks about. Hope that makes sense.
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