Feedback to your manager is the kind of feedback teams talk about least. For feedback that flows down, there are guides, models and workshops. Sideways, there are code reviews. But upwards? It usually ends with a sigh in the office kitchen or a checkbox in the anonymous employee survey.
I care about this topic from both sides. As a developer, I know the uneasy feeling of telling my own team lead that something isn’t working. As a team lead, I know how valuable exactly that sentence is, because there are plenty of things I simply don’t see. So in this article you get a simple flow, concrete phrases for typical situations in a developer’s day and, at the end, a few pointers for everyone who leads a team themselves.
In short
Feedback to your manager works best when it is small, timely and private: ask about the background first, then describe one concrete observation and its impact, and finish with a suggestion. The biggest pitfall is waiting, because criticism that has piled up almost always lands harder than it was meant.
What you will learn in this article
- Why so few people give their manager honest feedback
- How to prepare for the conversation in five minutes
- A four-step flow that puts you on an equal footing
- Phrases for typical situations in a developer’s day
- What you can do as a team lead to make upward feedback easier
Why feedback to your manager is so rare
The obvious reason is the power gap. Your team lead has a say in your salary, your projects and your promotion. Every critical sentence feels like a risk you take on voluntarily. What I find more interesting, though, is the less obvious reason.
In 2011, James Detert and Amy Edmondson studied why people stay silent at work even when they have something useful to contribute. They call it implicit voice theories. These are unwritten rules in our heads that we rarely question. For example: “Never criticize someone in front of their people.” Or: “If you raise a problem, you’d better bring a finished solution.” Or: “Whoever is in charge has already thought this through.” According to the study, rules like these hold back even suggestions that would clearly help the company, and they do so even where nobody has ever been punished.
That explains why a friendly “my door is always open” achieves so little on its own. The door is open, but in people’s heads there are still three signs in front of it. Kim Scott, the author of “Radical Candor”, describes the consequence for the other side quite aptly: many managers live in a kind of feedback desert. They suspect they have blind spots but never get any hints about them.
On top of that comes a classic from developer life. We are used to giving feedback on code. A pull request comment is factual, has a line number and can be resolved. Feedback on behavior, by contrast, feels personal, for both sides.
Is it worth the risk?
My honest answer: mostly yes, but not always and not at any price. Some managers respond to criticism by punishing people. If you have experienced that several times, being careful is simply self-protection. In all other cases, there are good reasons to speak up.
A nice piece of evidence comes from a long-term study by Alan Walker and James Smither from 1999. They followed 252 managers over five years who received ratings from their direct reports every year. Those who were initially rated as mediocre or poor improved significantly over time. The effect was particularly strong for those who discussed the results with their team. And in years with such a conversation, they improved more than in years without one.
I take two things from this. First, feedback from below really does change behavior. Second, it works best when people talk about it, rather than letting it sit in a report. An honest one-on-one conversation is exactly that.
Upward feedback also helps you. If something has been bugging you for weeks, it costs energy whether you say it or not. Silence feels safe, but it is rarely free.
How to prepare feedback to your manager in five minutes
You don’t need a script. A few bullet points on a sticky note are plenty. Run through these questions beforehand:
- What exactly happened? One concrete situation with a date or a meeting, not “always” or “constantly”.
- What was the impact? On you, on the team or on the result. For example: “I spent two days on something that was then dropped.”
- Do I know the background? Your team lead often has information you don’t have. Maybe the change of priorities came from much higher up.
- What do I want? A small, doable next step. Not a complete personality makeover.
- Why does this matter to me? If you can state the reason in one sentence, you can also say it in the conversation.
If the last question shows you that you are actually annoyed about something else entirely, that is a valuable result too. Then sort things out for yourself first before you set off.
Feedback to your manager in four steps
I like the following flow because it neither ignores the hierarchy nor caves in to it. It resembles well-known models such as SBI (situation, behavior, impact) or the CORE model from Radical Candor, but it deliberately puts a question at the start.
Four steps from the first question to a shared next step.
1. Ask for permission
A short opener takes a lot of pressure off: “Do you have five minutes? I noticed something in the planning meeting that I’d like to share with you.” This tells your team lead what it is about and gives them a moment to adjust. If now is a bad time, set up a slot, ideally on the same or the next day.
2. Understand the background first
Before you share your view, ask about theirs. “How did the decision to postpone the feature come about?” And mean the question. It often turns out that there were good reasons that nobody had explained. Then the criticism turns into much better feedback: “It would have helped me to know the reason earlier.”
3. Describe the observation and its impact
Now comes the core. Describe what you saw or heard and what it caused. Stick to behavior, not character traits. “You’re chaotic” is a judgment about a person. “In the last two sprints, priorities changed in the middle of each sprint, and as a result we dropped work in progress twice” is an observation you can work with.
4. Make a suggestion and ask openly
Finish with a concrete request and hand the ball back: “Could we take new topics into the next planning meeting, except for real emergencies? How do you see it?” The question at the end matters. It turns your suggestion into an invitation to think it through together instead of a demand.
Keep the whole thing short. Two to five minutes are enough in most cases. The longer you talk, the more it sounds like settling scores.
Phrases for typical situations
The table shows examples from a developer’s day. Treat them as inspiration, not as boilerplate. They work best in your own words.
| Situation | How it lands well | Better not |
|---|---|---|
| Priorities change mid-sprint | “For two sprints now, new topics have come in halfway through. We’ve dropped work in progress because of it. Could we bundle them?” | “You never seem to know what you want.” |
| Micromanaging in code review | “On my last three PRs you commented on a lot of style questions. It would help me if we handled those with a linter and you focused on the architecture.” | “Do you even trust me?” |
| Decision without explanation | “The decision for the new framework isn’t clear to me. Could you briefly explain what tipped the balance?” | “Over our heads again.” |
| Messages late in the evening | “When I get a message from you at 10 p.m., I feel I have to reply. Is that what you intend?” | Replying at night and quietly building up resentment |
| Interruptions in meetings | “In today’s refinement, Lena and Tim were interrupted twice, and after that neither of them said anything. I think we lost an idea there.” | “You always talk over everyone.” |
| Something went really well | “The way you shielded us during yesterday’s incident helped enormously. Please do that again.” | Saying nothing because “that’s their job anyway” |
The names are made up, of course. What stands out, though, is that every phrase on the left contains an observation and every phrase on the right a judgment. That difference usually decides whether the conversation ends in defensiveness or in a solution.
Positive feedback upwards is not sucking up
Many people don’t dare say anything positive to their manager because it might look like flattery. I think that is a mistake in thinking. Specific praise tells your team lead which behavior to keep. That is just as useful as criticism.
What separates it from sucking up is precision. “You’re a great boss” helps nobody. “When you named your own mistake first in the retro, it made it easier for us to talk openly” does. If you regularly give small, honest feedback like this, you also build trust. Then, when criticism does come, it isn’t the first message in months but part of a normal exchange.
When your team lead gets defensive
Sometimes things don’t go to plan. You hear “I see it differently” or a lengthy justification. That is normal and not yet a failure. Hardly anyone accepts criticism gratefully in the first minute, managers included.
During the conversation
Stay calm and don’t repeat the same criticism more loudly. Sentences like this help: “Okay, I get your point. I just wanted you to know how it comes across to me.” The message has arrived, even if you don’t agree. Many people think it over again after the conversation, and a few days later the reaction looks different.
Afterwards
Give it some time. If nothing changes and the topic matters to you, bring it up again in your next 1:1. If you have regular one-on-ones, that is the natural place for it anyway. I describe how to make those conversations work in my article on recurring 1:1 meetings.
For bigger topics that you can’t resolve with your direct manager, a skip-level meeting with the next level up can be the right way. Just make sure you have tried the direct conversation first. Anything else rightly feels like an ambush to the person who was bypassed.
And one more honest sentence: it is not your job to educate your manager. You can give feedback, well prepared and fair. What happens next is no longer up to you.
For team leads: make upward feedback easy
If you lead a team yourself, the bigger lever is in your hands. The Walker and Smither study shows exactly that talking about the feedback makes the difference. A few things I consider effective:
- Ask specific questions, not general ones. “Do you have any feedback for me?” almost always gets a “Nope, all good”. Better: “What should I do differently in our planning meetings?” or “What is one thing I should stop doing?”
- Your first reaction counts. Say thank you, even if it hurts. You can explain yourself later, if at all.
- Show what you do with it. A few weeks later, say: “You told me this, and I changed it like so.” That is the best advertisement for the next piece of feedback.
- Lead by example. If you talk openly about your own mistakes, you lower the barrier for everyone else.
All of this is closely linked to psychological safety in teams. Where people experience that open words are not punished, the unwritten rules in their heads gradually disappear. And if you want to practice the other direction, my guide to giving feedback covers the counterpart from the manager’s point of view.
FAQ
Is it okay to give your boss feedback at all?
Yes. Feedback to your manager is simply part of working together well. What matters is the setting: in private, factual, with one concrete observation and a suggestion. Most managers react better than you fear beforehand.
How do I give feedback to my manager if I’m afraid to?
Start small, ideally with something positive or a harmless topic. Prepare two or three bullet points and ask at the start whether now is a good moment. Every small conversation that goes well makes the next one easier.
Is anonymous feedback to a manager better?
Anonymous surveys are useful for spotting patterns across the whole team. For individual situations they are weak, because nobody can ask follow-up questions. Where it is safe enough, a direct conversation achieves much more.
How often should I give my team lead feedback?
Often and small rather than rarely and big. A short sentence right after a meeting works better than a long list after three months. Your regular 1:1 is a good fixed slot for it.
Your next step
Think of one thing about working with your manager that bothered or pleased you in the last two weeks. Write down the situation, the impact and your request on a sticky note. Then bring it up in your next 1:1, or simply tomorrow after the daily.
I’d like to know: what holds you back most from giving your team lead honest feedback? Feel free to share it in the comments.
Sources
- Detert, Edmondson (2011): Implicit Voice Theories. Taken-for-Granted Rules of Self-Censorship at Work. Academy of Management Journal 54(3)
- Walker, Smither (1999): A Five-Year Study of Upward Feedback. What Managers Do With Their Results Matters. Personnel Psychology 52(2)
- Radical Candor: Upward Feedback. Give Your Boss Feedback Without Losing Your Nerve
This post was created with AI assistance.
👉 Next step: Preparing a first one-on-one? My question cheat sheet puts the best questions on one printable page.
Originally published on sascha-ms.de. More articles on serverless, AI in everyday development and leading tech teams: sascha-ms.de/en
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