It seems to be a rather common thing, especially among fresh developers, to feel that you can't manage working full-time, constantly learning and staying up to date with technology, doing a side project or actively contributing to opensourse, and having a life.
2 years ago I couldn't manage having a full-time job and a life at the same time, I was always exhausted and had a mild depression. Now it is much better: I work, have a long-term project, learn new things almost daily, do not neglect my health and life too much, and don't feel on a brink of complete burnout.
So, here are the things I learnt over the past years of struggling to find my balance.
Eliminate commute as much as possible. Even 45 minutes one way eats up 1.5 hours that could be spent exercising, resting, or doing important things. Find a job that is closer. Do remote. Move closer to your office. Anything. Moving to a flat 5 minutes away from the office was the absolute best decision of the last year.
At the very least, it could be a pleasant commute during which you either exercise (walking or biking) or can work and study.Exercise and rest. It might seem like you really do not have time or even the right for this, especially if you under pressure of deadlines. However, it is paramount for both metal and physical health, and productivity. You will have more energy and will be able to do more things in less time. It's like an activity that takes negative time!
Focus. Choose 1-2 most important things you want to do right now in this period of your life, besides work. Learning a new language, building something, writing, doing an art project - whatever requires commitment. If there are too many things, decide what is more important and give up on the rest even if it is hard to do. You can pick them later when you're done with the first ones or when you have more time and energy.
Do a little bit every day. Set a goal of half an hour of learning or working on your own things. Do not wait for a free weekend. It is nearly not as effective, you can be tired, other things will inevitably come up, etc. As a bonus, you will constantly stress about not doing things that matter to you, and stress is not your friend.
Choose your social activities wisely. Accept that you might need to spend less time hanging out if you want to make time for productive activities. But never abandon social life entirely even if it feels like you don't have time for it. Spend time with people who support you and give you energy, not the other way around.
Get help if you cannot manage on your own. If you feel burnt out, depressed, constantly in a state of anxiety, always tired, it is okay to ask for medical help. It can do miracles in some cases.
Expect things to always take much longer than you think. Rather than going all in and putting everything else on pause, try to find a balance you can maintain as long as it might take. Even if it is a decade. Design your life here and now and live it, don't wait for the magical moment when you are going to be done.
Can't say I've reached a completely comfortable state, but these things certainly improved my life. None of them occurred to me before my plate got so full I was ready to break down under its weight. And also it took somebody else telling me that no one is a superhuman and we need to take care of ourselves first.
Do you do programming outside of work hours? Do you have many side projects and hobbies? Do you struggle with deadlines? How do you find your rhythm and stay sane?
Oldest comments (69)
I dropped a lot of interests in the past couple of years because of financial issues and having to focus on learning things that could transfer into marketable skills. Now that my course is done, I want to work some of things I used to like back into my daily routine, but I constantly have that "I should be productive" nag in my head. Hoping I can balance things so I don't become one of those dull "if it won't make you money it's worthless" people.
I had to do the same when I finished my degree and faced the reality: I need a job to pay for living expenses and to stay in the country, and I don't have much of a marketable skill set. So I gave up on what was at that moment a dream - game dev - and pumped myself up on modern web development, giving up pretty much everything for a couple of months. It was extremely difficult to get out of the "I must do things" mindset. Especially when you keep setting new goals.
But yeah, try to switch your attention. At a point, I took drawing classes online, did some crafting, tried to learn musical instruments. Even simply playing video games helps. "I must do things" should also be accompanied by "I must have fun".
It's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling.
I don't have a tech job yet, but I feel like now that I'm somewhat competent I should try to balance things out, because trying to get find work is its own ball of stress. I haven't crafted anything but code for the past nine months and forgotten what tv and movies are. I might save the binge watching for when the money comes in more steady, but I can knit a sock or pick up a Japanese book and start from the beginning....again. It will probably be a slow start but I'm going to get back to myself somehow.
9 months is a lot! Actually, it is good to take a day or two completely off and binge watch whatever, or even better - go somewhere. You'll be more relaxed if you allow yourself to do it once in a while (which of course can be quite tricky to do, mentally, because "must do all the things").
I find that scheduling idle and fun time is better than scheduling work. You know that you have those hours set aside and that you are allowed to do anything or to do nothing.
Do try to balance things out now, because getting a job is only a beginning of a new interesting but challenging stage.
Yep. It was a last ditch effort to learn after trying to learn on my own, getting stuck and giving up for a while. A lot of things happened that gave me a lot of free time so I went ham on it since I was starting from almost zero.
I thought about how monks have each hour of the day scheduled and I might have to put reminders in my calendar. I finished my web dev class a few weeks ago and I'm still trying to decompress, even though I see the gaps that need to be filled in. Mixing things up will keep me from overdoing it I hope! The mixed blessing of not having a deadline for a while.
This is incredibly wise advice.
My overarching advice that applies to all of this: Don't overoptimize any of these points. At least for me, I've found myself choosing my social activities a little too wisely for example, and I end up stressing about it. You sort of alluded to that. There's definitely a relaxed middle ground to be.
Thank you!
It is very easy for me to give up on the most important things first: physical activity and social life. My partner is pushing me out of my shell and I often find myself stressing out because "I want to spend Sunday working on my things, not hosting people, chatting, and having fun!". So I have to remind myself about the importance of living outside of the code editor.
Same 🙃
There's a line from an old country song that goes something like "nobody wishes they'd spent more time at the office on their deathbed."
So true.
Totally right. Coding is fun of course but you need some balance. Life is to be lived.
This is a good post on an important topic, Anna. Thanks for writing it.
I program outside of work on side projects, "keep up-to-date" with our industry, and have hobbies.
I think you hit the nail on the head. You have to "find your rhythm". I'm not sure that process will be the same for everyone though.
I'd like to make three points:
The process and the details are definitely going to be different for different people. This is why my list is as generic as it can get, to the point I felt it's just repeating the obvious.
Totally agree with your points number 1 and 2. Vacations are tricky and also can be different thing for different people. I feel like I have a jelly instead of a brain if my vacation is long and I don't do much, so I try to split it in short getaways.
Yup, you have to figure out what works for your vacations too.
Thank you for "Take vacations. Real-ones " I take vacations but not really keeping away of thinking of work and programming, that nearly drove me the a burnout!
Really good post! Thank you. And I agree 100%. Especially, till I had the same life before and figured out the same rules helping me. It works!
Two things made a big difference for me:
wake up at 5AM and go to bed at 11PM as consistently as possible. Waking up at 5 PM gives me a solid 3-4 hours (depending on whether I don’t or do remote work this day) ! This additional time I currently use to learn a new language for one hour and work on my side project(s). After work there is still enough time to have some quality time with my friends or girlfriend or go to the gym.
don’t work from a todo list. The internet says there is a study that 41% of all items written on todo lists get never done. I haven’t checked and it is not really my key point here. A todo list tells you what you think you need to do, but not when. A Calendar does. Having a long todo list for me, started making the feeling of having not enough time even worse. So what I do now: I use the todo list as a tool to clear my mind of reoccurring thoughts. To ease my anxiety that I might forget something important. And then I use my calendar to plan out my week. I use time slots and plan the time from 5AM to 11 PM for each day of the next week on Sunday. Weekends are not planned. This helps me to calm this feeling of not having enough time, because the calendar clearly shows me what is possible in the coming week and gives me the feeling that every aspect of my life will get touched during the week.
Love the advice on number 2 but number 1 really does not apply to many people who are more productive and energetic at night. When left to my own devices without a schedule, I go to bed at sunrise and wake up in the afternoon. I am really happy and full of energy at around midnight. I feel ready to take on the world.
It is amazing how different people's brains work! I am the opposite: not a morning person at all, and calendars give me huge anxiety because I can never stick to the time slots and it takes too much effort to constantly adjust. So todo lists are everything to me. I keep them short for the current stuff and stuck away the long lists of what I will have to do later. I gladly remove those 59% of things that I won't do (not everything HAS to be done).
But my partner is the same as you: he likes doing most of his work in the early morning and keeps his google calendar so full it gives me anxiety just to glance at it. :D
I think the key for everyone to understand with these recommendation lists are to try a few different approaches (getting up early, working late, todo lists or no todo lists), and find what works for you. We're all different, and what works for one person (like getting up at 5am) would be the worst approach to get anything done at all for another person.
Although it makes sense to me (I have a similar bio) I came to an entirely different conclusion: Drop the full time permanent employment and become a part time remote working freelancer. Invest more time in yourself. Constantly learn new things... stagnation is a problem. Exercise, stay healthy, enjoy time with family and friends.
Btw ... as a part time freelancer, working remotely you’ll earn much more money, so even a sabbatical after each project is possible.
That sounds like a dream but must be hard to do in reality...
This is a valid option that works great for some people! Awesome that you were able to design your life the way that works for you.
I tried freelancing several times and came to a conclusion I don't want to do it just yet. I hated looking for clients and projects. I hated the fact that, as a beginner, I couldn't offer much value.
And I really need a structure and stability.
It's great going freelance works for you! :) I think it's important to know that going freelance is always an option to consider.
I myself do need the feeling of security that being employed grants me, so I'm quite certain going freelance wouldn't work for me specifically. At least at the moment. Maybe I'll try that in the future with 50% freelance 50% part-time employment.
Currently, I am going through similar kind of process and there are some points which you mentioned are actually very valid in my case.
The major point about commute and working near to house are actually very important. It can save a lot of time and plus the energy as well.
My colleagues think that's a stupid move though, since I've to pay almost double the amount of rent for the place I live in because it is nearby my office.
I got the same reaction from my colleague. But everyone's workload and priorities are different. I know he doesn't do any side-projects or have time-consuming hobbies except travelling.
When I was making the decision to move, I actually calculated, how much my hour is worth. The rent increase was pretty much covered by the time saved, plus I was saving on commute as well. Add the additional benefits like nearby gym, nice area, and ability to make my own decision when and where I want to have a walk or a bike ride - for me the choice was very clear.
For me this is like a relief because after hearing from so many people about my decision, I started by decisions.
Coming to side-projects, they are so much important. I think majority of my learning and confidence in writing code has come from there!
In order to that, time and body's will is required which is totally in our hands.
Sad to see that people often neglect this point.
There is a huge difference between working on an existing code-base and building something real from scratch. I learnt a lot from both type of experience and I see them both important and complimentary to each other.
Great post! Just the situation I'm having this year.. I'm working 45h / week or more, and everyday I spend 1h in conmute. And I always feel I don't have enough time to learn new things, have side projects and have fun outside development. My actual situation vs the changes I want to make are:
So as you see, I'm still trying to find my rhythm and staying sane, because currently it's a bit of a mess.. hahaha Thank you four sharing this!
Great plan! Try changing this and that and see what works for you.
Yes, exercising works when you do it consistently, preferably every day. Hitting 10000 steps can also be considered an exercise, and a short 10 minutes intense workout can work even better than an hour long session. I am still struggling establishing a consistent routine with this one.
When you get to wake up earlier, remember that you don't actually make an extra hour in your day, there are always 24 of them, and you'll need to go to bed earlier anyway. Unless you are super productive in the morning, it might not make much of a difference. Giving up on things that don't give you any value is much better.
Well, I didn't explain you.. I'm a morning guy and at nights I usually watch films or series. Nothing more than distract my mind because the rest of the day I'm doing a lot of things. So waking up one hour earlier means that I go to bed the same hour earlier, so I convert one "video hour" to a productive hour. That's why I said I'll have extra time. :)
Anyway, as you recommend it's a kind of way to give up things that only give me some fun and nothing really valuable.
Yep. It's all about finding the best productive moments in the day and devoting them to work, and that's certainly much different from person to person.
I'm personally productive at 9AM to 1 PM sluggish and unproductive from 3 PM to 8 PM but I hit my most productive period from 9 PM to 2 AM
A lot of people actually have multiple productive and unproductive periods during a day, but unnecessarily constrain themselves into a binary circumstance of being a night owl or a morning person.
You could take this further in that people also might unnecessarily constrain themselves into a 24 hour cycle. I personally have 3 days a week where I work most of my hours, and 3 days where I relax and work on hobbies, social activities, fitness, etc. This conflicts with my unproductive periods, but I find that the added goal and time crunch gives me more motivation, focus, and enjoyment than I would otherwise have.
I personally burn out much faster working consistently for 5 or 6 days even if it's less hours, because I like to devote long focused periods (12+ hours) to whatever i feel like doing. My family knows if I go into work mode that they wont see me for the day, but the reverse is true for family mode where I spend all of my time and focus on them.
Working full day 3 days and resting other 3 sounds really interesting. But it's not an option for me as I work in a company that is very strict with time and presence. It's old fashioned and I have to be 8h/day like if I would have to be open to clients. Like in a clothes shop or businesses like that. It's a pity, but what I have at this time.
I think my day is not binary like I'm productive at morning and unproductive at night. It's more like an energy bar, full at the morning and near empty at nights. It's strange because I can go to run either mornings or nights with more or less the same result, but my development focus is very different, high at morning, half at midday and finding really difficult to focus at nights.
Hi! very nice article, as a developer that has been working on a full-time job plus another one part-time I can agree on every point you present here. However just to enrich the point "Exercise and rest" I could say: respect your sleep hours and make them a habit, you'll have to sacrifice mid-week handouts, watch a series/movie, or anything similar :)
Oh yes, so true! I totally forgot :)
Not so long ago I stopped using an alarm clock and started listening to my body. What a blessing.
Hey Anna, thank you for writing this article. I'm trying to learn more around my regular job (which is primarily a support role).
Your advice to do a little every day makes so much sense. Certainly better than waiting for that mythical time on weekends.
What it means
not the other way around thoughin this context?I meant, some social interactions can drain your energy and some people can be generally unsupportive, and it's better to avoid them.
Sometimes I write in clunky ways..
My doubt is: if we mostly spend time with people who support and give us energy, not the other way around... the possible hazard is that we can easily become that kind of unsupportive, draining people. To be avoided. Isn't?
Healthy relationships are two-way, of course you need to give back.
I’m in a lucky position because the train i commute on is not crowded. That means i can use that 1+1 hours to do some work, effectively shortening my office time.
Also, unless sometting urgent is in the queue, i do easy tasks on the train, so my brain can spin up in the morning and down in the afternoon.
So commuting is not necessarily a bad thing. In all the other points, i can’t agree more. Kudos!
This a very lucky case! Actually, I mentioned it, but since I never had this type of commute I don't really know how well it works. :)
Thanks for writing this Anna, I think I might read this every week(Monday)
Also all the comments here,
I am currently in a stressful situation mainly because of my family and I don't have any jobs but I would try to apply your advice to see if it works for me if not pick in the comments to adjust
Thank you! Yes, the comments are incredibly useful here, I am so glad.
If you pick only one thing at a time it might be easier to incorporate in your life. Personally, I'd start with exercise and rest as the most influential thing.
I hope it gets better for you soon.
I'll try my best
Found this very helpful. I had the same life before. I am sure that things will change after reading this article.
I cant tell you how much I needed to hear this from someone who is experienced Ive basically come to the same conclusions myself but it took me a LONG time to confirm it... really have to take care of yourself and not neglect social life... I hate to admit it
it took me a LONG time as well.. And I also kept repeating same mistakes in different circumstances and I still make a lot of them just not as often.
"Expect things to always take much longer than you think" is a truism, if I have ever heard one.
I have worked as a software developer for 25 years and run my own business for the last 16 years. It has nearly broken me on more than one occasion and recognising burn out, depression or anxiety early is the key to putting in control measures as soon as possible.
You need balance in your both personal & work life that only comes from a good work / life balance; get it wrong and you are headed down a one way street you don't want to go down!
Exercise is important, get outside and walking will also help clear your head. When you get stuck, walk away, breadth and you'll return and figure things out far quicker.
Learn to say "No".
Learn to ask for help.
Learn to avoid toxic people.
Learn to meditate; this allows you to clear your head and get everything back into perspective.
Expect the unexpected; that way when it hits you late on a Tuesday afternoon you'll be expecting it.
Keep calm, when everyone else around you is loosing their heads.
Always put the other person first, something I learnt a few years ago and helps when someone is yelling at me because something doesn't work (often down to something beyond the control of the application, etc). It work well in your personal life too!
I hope this helps, but make sure you look after yourself, always!