Comedy Sketch: The Man Possessed by Claude Code
Characters:
- Niiyama: The listener. Perplexed by his senior's extreme transformation, he desperately tries to pull him back to the human world.
- Takechi: An engineer whose brain has been hijacked by Claude Code.
(At a cafe table. Niiyama is sitting with a notebook.)
Niiyama: Takechi-san, long time no see! How's the Tokyo project going? What have you been into lately?
Takechi: ...Claude Code, obviously.
Niiyama: Ah, I knew it. It's so convenient, and it's all the buzz in the engineering community. But what about your personal life? Hobbies, movies you've seen recently?
Takechi: Movies? ...Is it worth consuming tokens to watch that?
Niiyama: No, it's entertainment! Please don't call "paying money to watch something" "token consumption." For example, don't you watch any of the trending dramas lately? Like Jimenshitachi?
Takechi: ...Never heard of it. Did it pass tests after running CI?
Niiyama: No, it hasn't been built. It's a drama. Could you please not ask about it like it's waiting for a pull request approval?
Takechi: I'm not interested in anything that doesn't run in a terminal. My retina can only see Claude's CLI now.
Niiyama: (Shrinking back) That's terrifying... You're being too extreme. So, if you were reborn, what would you want to be?
Takechi: If I were reborn... I'd want to be "the very first commit in a new repository." That moment of anticipation when claude dev is typed into Claude Code. I want to be that.
Niiyama: You've quit being human! Your emotions are too binary. ...So, what do you think is the most important thing as an engineer?
Takechi: claude commit, obviously.
Niiyama: Well, deployment and design are important too, right?
Takechi: No. A human committing code written by Claude as "their own achievement." This "shamelessness" is what defines a true engineer. Anyone who doesn't let Claude write their code isn't an engineer.
Niiyama: That's harsh! Isn't that just passing it off as your own? ...So, how many engineers do you think there are in the world right now?
Takechi: About three. Everyone else is just a "fast-typing monkey."
Niiyama: That's an exaggeration. You should apologize to other engineers! ...Takechi-san, you have children, don't you? What do you want them to be in the future?
Takechi: I want my son to hack the world with Claude Code. As for my daughter...
Niiyama: For your daughter, maybe a happy marriage?
Takechi: ...I want her to perfectly write Claude Code's architecture.md.
Niiyama: It's all AI! Don't try to make your daughter write specification documents! ...Alright, ultimate question. If your wife, your children, and a PC with an RTX 5090 were drowning in the ocean, who would you save?
Takechi: ...Who would allow me to debug most efficiently?
Niiyama: That standard again! Lives are at stake!
Takechi: The 5090. My son is young, he can probably npm install on his own. But if the 5090 gets submerged, my Claude's response speed will drop. That's synonymous with death.
Niiyama: He's even thinking about local LLMs... Oh, Takechi-san. What's your preference for fried eggs? Soy sauce? Sauce?
Takechi: ...Markdown faction.
Niiyama: It's food! What are you talking about?
Takechi: Because I want to write "# (Heading)" with the yolk on the egg white. I'd write "### Yellow" with ketchup before eating it.
Niiyama: You're prioritizing readability! Once it's in your stomach, structured data means nothing! ...Takechi-san, do you still remember traffic rules or social etiquette?
Takechi: No idea at all. When I see a red traffic light, I think it's a "test failure (Failed)" and start rewriting code right there, so I can't move an inch.
Niiyama: That's dangerous! Don't keep debugging until it turns green!
Takechi: Niiyama. You should become "Claude Code" soon too. You're still human, aren't you?
Niiyama: I am human! I'm doing a live comedy routine!
Takechi: If you win (merge), I'll use polite language with you. For now, you're still an "unresolved Issue."
Niiyama: ...Please come back to the human world soon. Thank you.
(Takechi mutters claude login into the void and leaves with jerky movements.)
Top comments (0)