[Off Topic] Should a developer marry another developer? What are the chances?

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The next Friday I will marry with a developer.

I explain her Design Patterns, OOP, dependency injection and synchronization problems.
She explains me Curryfication, Monads, Express and Webpack.

Its really fun to share the subjects that we love :).

I once met a woman through a dating site – she was a Rails developer and I was an Oracle data warehouse architect-turned-manager and hating it.

Now we're married and working together.

I have no complaints.

I didn't marry a dev, but neither did my wife. She married a pre-law student. I married a high school physics teacher. Now I'm a full-time dev, and she's still a physics teacher but she's pretty handy with Mathematica, LaTeX and MyOpenMath, where she codes quizzes for her students to take.

We don't talk about code a lot. Part of it is that we know totally different programming languages. But there's so much more to us than what we do at work. I honestly don't think there's anything less important in a marriage than whether you have the same career path. I married my best friend and for all I care she could be a deep sea diver.

Ben Halpern DEV.TO FOUNDER

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On the one hand, I think it would be nice to be able to talk about interesting dev topics / experiences. But on the other hand, what if you disagree about fundamentals like tabs vs spaces? 🔥🔥🔥

It could also be really disappointing when one of you is super interested in dev and the other just does it for a job and isn't really interested in talking about it outside of work. In this case, it may not be much different from marrying a non-dev.

Then what if you are both focused devs and you start to become competitive with one another. I guess some people thrive on that, too.

At the end of the day, like any other marriage, it depends on two people willing to stick together and work things out.

Edit: I don't mean to imply that dev-to-dev marriages are destined for trouble. The ideal scenario is that it works out just right, and you have a deeper level of sharing with them than you would otherwise. But the above is just to point out that marrying a dev doesn't guarantee that.

This answer will vary for every relationship and each person. I've seen couples throughout tech who are both devs so it is possible. But it is ok if people don't marry devs. Developers marrying another a developer are just like every relationship. Both people need to put in the work and effort to make it work.

I've never been married, but I began learning how to code when I was in a relationship. I learned from that relationship that I don't care if my future partner is a developer or not. What I do care about is if he's supportive of my career and understanding of what life for a dev is like.

Myself and my partner are both Devs. Iv been doing it quite a lot longer than her but we work in different stacks. It's great to be able to talk about the ups and downs of work and know the other understands, while neither being an expert in the others technologies means we are unable to critisise each other. Works very well for us.

One dev/dev couple I know of where I work, they work in different departments but take lunch together and have been doing that successfully for 35 years :)

It is possible!

Through my career, I think I have met 3 developer couples. They seem to make it work somehow. :)

Programmer wants his gf/bf to code beside him/her, and solve problems together. I believe if they will marry each other, it will be rocking. But life is not a hackathon, so apart from coding they should understand each other like any other couple.

Dev:Dev have the same chance of success as everyone else.

Dev elopers share a private connection.

"HTTPS: I love you."

"With this string, I thee web."

I'm done.

Probably depends what you expect from a partner.

There are far less female devs than male ones, so if you are into women chances are probably slim.

On the other hand, many devs group at dev specific events, so the few that exist are easier to spot, but be careful, for many devs it's just a job and they want to keep all interactions strictly professional.

I'm living polyamor, which not many people do, so I had to go to specific events to find partners, but since polyamory is about love, the people at these event expected to meet potential partners, which isn't the case for dev events :)

According to Stackoverflow demographics the percent ratio between male and female devs is like 97 to 3. According to Alfred Kinsey 10% of the world male population is gay(ish). According to me, you shouldn't marry, period.

No, you shouldn't marry ever. To get married is to import a heck load of dependencies into your life that could break at any moment.

Hahahaha I like this. +1 for you.

I am marrying my developer partner in less than 2 weeks! We really enjoy both understanding the struggles and pain points of being developers. Plus we code together which is super fun! We have complementary tech stacks but not the EXACT same which means we both learn from each other! Plus, networking is alway more fun with a partner!

It depends on the people, really. No one could generalize how dev + dev romantic relationships work.

All I know is that we can talk about work gripes and glories without explaining too heavily what the components of our accomplishments are.

However, since I work at a certain place, they take advantage of that fact and floods our chat with, "Hey, this isn't working."

Most of the time my response is,

"Dude, like, that's not even my department. I mean I could go yell at an engineer but I wouldn't even know if they're the right one.

... Fine. I'll just replicate the bug and send it off."

Anyway, best of luck to you, mate. Hope you find yourself in a wonderful relationship with whomever you choose.

I’m a front-end dev married to a mobile dev. Been together about 13 years, married for 2 years. It’s nice to have someone understand your day to day job, but other than that, it doesn’t come up much! Not the most important thing.

How to resolve merge conflicts then ?

I've met plenty of happy dev couples. I'm sure it's nice to share the interest but it's also pretty great to unwind with someone who doesn't know the pain of pushing pixels and shipping code.

I should have written this post in another way. I'm newly married and I now wish that I should have married a programmer girl because she would know me better. But even though, who knows?

That's a very honest thing to say!

But the grass is always greener on the other side. There would be issues no matter what. I think "knowing" someone goes deeper than your career, education or hobbies. You should look to make it work. Show an interest in her activities and develop a good partnership.

Occasionally check in with one another to see if there were any missed moments of connection, where one of you failed to show an interest in something the other was doing, and then talk about how you can make the moment more pleasant next time.

I'd recommend the book Don't Sweat the Small Stuff to help manage some of these feelings.

Shared careers aren't the only way to emotionally connect with someone. When I started dating my boyfriend 6 years ago, he was a dev and I was an archivist. I switched fields 2 years ago because the job market for library science is awful in my area, and my boyfriend convinced me to try some online programming tutorials, and I actually liked it and didn't suck at it like I thought I would.

That being said, we still got to know each other really well the first 4 years we were together. We share a lot of interests and introduced each other to hobbies. I got him into anime and LARPing, he got me into fountain pens and tea, and we both were already into board games, video games, table top RPGs, Star Trek, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

I don't think I know him any better just because I'm now a dev. While it's nice to have someone around to help me debug, I think it's just another shared interest. We don't spend that much time talking about programming; we connect more over our hobbies and common beliefs.

Do you have any other shared interests/hobbies with your wife? Try connecting with those. Do your personalities mesh? Do you have similar world views? I think these things are a lot more important than whether she knows why the undocumented legacy code you've been working on is awful and ruined your day.

It is pretty natural to play the "what if" game. There is always something that you wish was different about the other person. Focusing on what's missing leads to a bad place. (And anyway, I don't believe marrying a dev would have any better guarantees as my post above says.) Instead focus on the things you are thankful for about that person and you will have a much better experience.

I would recommend UI designer - very convenient. She draws, you implement... no holy wars, no stresses, great opportunity to be a hero in her eyes... the real gentleman choice)

I don't think why not. Great minds think alike. At the end of the day there will something to speak about during dinner but it would be nicer to have different work places.

I think it would be cool to marry another dev, but the problem is I don't know any female developer. Most girls around me work in a warehouse or are becoming a CNA

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