Six months ago, I made a decision that looked productive on the surface and pointless in hindsight.
I joined 12 different communities.
Web3 DAOs. Developer Discords. Telegram groups. Builder collectives. “Early access” circles.
Every invite promised the same thing:
“You will learn faster here.”
“This is where serious builders hang out.”
“We were not like other communities.”
Most of them were lying. Not intentionally. Just structurally.
The first week felt amazing
Notifications everywhere.
Introductions channels buzzing.
People dropping GitHub links, Notion docs, pitch decks, and endless “gm” messages like it meant something.
I thought: This is it. I’m finally around the right people.
Then week two came.
Messages slowed.
Questions went unanswered.
Channels became museums of half finished ideas.
By week three, I stopped opening most of them.
Not because I was busy but because nothing pulled me back.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth no one tweets
Most communities are not built to last.
They are built to launch.
They optimize for:
- Member count
- Hype cycles
- Vanity screenshots
They forget to design for retention.
A community doesn’t die when people leave.
It dies when people stop caring enough to contribute.
What went wrong (and I didn’t notice at first)
1. There was no reason to stay past curiosity
After the intro message, there was no “next step.”
No:
- Clear learning path
- Contribution ladder
- Sense of progress
Just vibes.
Curiosity gets people in.
Direction keeps people around.
2. Everything flowed from the top
Admins posted.
Members reacted.
That’s not a community.
That’s a content channel pretending to be one.
The moment I realized I couldn’t own anything a thread, a project, a responsibility my energy dropped.
People don’t want permission.
They want trust.
3. Contribution wasn’t rewarded visibility was
The loudest people got attention.
The most helpful people went unnoticed.
So contributors stopped contributing.
Not out of ego — out of exhaustion.
Then I found the one community that felt… different
There were no fancy announcements.
No growth hacks.
No “we’re building the future” speeches.
Just a simple pattern:
- Someone asked a question
- Another member answered properly
- That answer was acknowledged
- And later, that same person was encouraged to help someone else
It felt small. Almost boring.
But I kept coming back.
Not for motivation.
For momentum.
That’s when it clicked
Community is not about scale.
It’s about loops.
Small, repeatable loops:
- Ask → Help → Acknowledge
- Learn → Share → Teach
- Join → Contribute → Lead
Most communities try to grow before these loops exist.
That’s like adding users to a product with no onboarding.
The biggest lie in community building
“If we grow fast, engagement will follow.”
No.
Engagement creates growth not the other way around.
People don’t invite others because your banner looks good.
They invite others because the place changed them.
If you’re building a community, read this twice
Stop asking:
“How do I increase members?”
Start asking:
“What happens to a person after their first meaningful contribution?”
If you can’t answer that clearly, you’re not building a community.
You’re hosting a room.
If you’re joining one, ask yourself this
- Can I contribute here without being an admin?
- Can I grow here without asking for permission?
- Would this still work if the founders went silent for a week?
If the answer is no leave early.
Your time is non renewable.
Why only one community changed me
It didn’t promise transformation.
It allowed it.
Through responsibility.
Through trust.
Through repetition.
Community isn’t a Telegram group.
It’s not a Discord server.
It’s not a follower count.
It’s people choosing to stay & build together.
Question for you: What made you leave the last community you joined?
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