It's 2:11 am right now. My email tells me that there have been a couple of product releases to watch out for and some thousand training courses which I should take to become a "better" version of myself. My eyes and mouth are in coordination. One forgets to blink, the other to speak. Yes, am a software developer.
Guys, it's not as sad as it sounds though. I mean there are more painful jobs out there. Isn't it?
Life was good when I was getting into this field and sometimes I feel am still on the edge of falling off it. Certain companies give us the privilege to work remotely. I don't know why I call it a "privilege". It's something my manager taught me. My dad came home and asked me whether I went to my workplace today or not. I said, "No Dad, I had to skip today because of urgent deadlines coming up this week. Shall catch up with you later Dad". And that is when it struck me it has been around 3 days since I spoke to him. I looked at my cursor, (it really is a curse), blinking for my attention. Waiting for me to write the next piece of line that may solve someone's problem in some part of this world. But is the software that I am a part of, solving my problem? The constant need or obsession to get something working, forgetting everything that comes up in life is something native to this field only. I do code for food. Because I lost everything due to the same reasons. Yes, am a software developer.
In today's world where technology becomes famous in the morning and dies in the evening, we have stopped living too. Things such as families or experiences can never be brought back no matter how good you are at pressing the keys on a board. Is it really worth it? Passion is good. Am also passionate when it comes to working on something. But is my passion more important than my life? Yes, am a software developer.
The IT field is a big trap. It starts when you are small, where you are attracted to miniature games. I personally started skipping playing outside when I was introduced to contra and super Mario and stuff. Then came arcade games where I used to go out and play computers. Then came the era of PC Games when GTA took over. Then multiplayer games like Counter Strike, FIFA and what not. It went to a new level when I got to knew there are cheat codes in games. The power it gave to an individual was unexplainable. Then came hacker movies where you could hack anything on a windows machine. Lol! Slowly and slowly I was introduced to what programming is and how games are made and that started my 2nd life. A binary life. Yes, am a software developer.
The shit they said about computers being cool was all gone within a year into manipulating the "bit-boy". Slowly and slowly I went more and more away from the life I had always dreamt of. A life of relaxation, a life of happiness, a life of being together. Today I rejoice on code being compiled without errors. I shout on others for not putting in the same amount of labor as I do. I shut my door on my family thinking those 2 minutes with my family might prevent the deadlines from being met. And on top all of this the people who had the idea of making the software are having quality time with their families. Yes, am a software developer.
Tomorrow is another day. It's time to get away from this machine which has become a part of my body. But everyone is asleep now and I have lost another day on this planet that God Almighty has given me to spread happiness and be happy. I hope my LOC make up for the moments I have missed with my friends, my family and myself.
Am sorry guys but am a software developer!
If you too feel the same, take a day off and spend it with your friends or your parents or your siblings. Instead of smiling at Ok-200-success, smile at your mom and dad for being there for you throughout your life.