re: Dev parents, how do you do it? VIEW POST


My speaking career has really exploded and I am consistently getting asked to talk at conferences.

I think this is an area you might be able to look for more vertical growth instead of horizontal. Instead of looking for more speaking engagements, maybe you could angle towards being selective, getting more noteworthy opportunities, and generally saying no to more stuff.

Otherwise, it seems like our industry is becoming more and more flexible in terms of remote-first organizations which might give you a lot of your time back, conferences which offer better childcare than they used to, and generally more compassion for how parenting and careers need to work together.

I don't think that "compassion" is super evenly distributed, so I can't say it's better for everyone, but if you're in a leadership role, if you're getting these opportunities, understand that you have the leverage to have the career and personal life of your choosing. You will likely face new stigmas, but you'll also find new opportunities.

I'm 30 years old and not a parent, and not a woman, but I think about some of this as someone who may become a parent and would like to help make this industry a better place for moms and dads. So that was just my 2 cents.

So take my thoughts in complement to @msarit 's reply and everyone else who may come at it with a different perspective.

Here's a comment that may also be helpful from @kaydacode 's wonderful post

This is a topic I have soo many thoughts about!! ❤️

I've had 3 children during my career as a developer & an extended 7-year stint as a full-time mom, only working very part-time on dev projects during that time.

These problems are very real. And unfortunately the challenges compound if you have more babies. The 'pregnancy-brain' (a horrible mix of nutrient-drain, dehydration, sleep-deprivation, distraction with thoughts & worries, and the exhausting hyper-alertness you have when taking care of young children & babies) only compounds on itself over time.

And time outside of our rapidly changing industry is difficult.

The good news is that it isn't permenent. Your focus will return both with proper self-care (drink water, sleep, recuperate nutrients) and as your children grow less in need of hyper-vigilance (approx 2-3yrs old).

My focus is fully back, and I used my out of industry time to binge a ton of learning resources & tackle projects I'd never have done otherwise.

Not to mention my 3 amazing sons. Worth it x 1000!

We need to talk about this more, to normalise & raise awareness of women's issues in our industry. Creating life, has some side-effects on our professional lives - that is very OK & should come with support from our colleagues & employers.

This is the perspective of someone who took a substantial time devotion full-time parenting and still came out of it with new perspective and opportunity that wouldn't have had before.

My focus is fully back, and I used my out of industry time to binge a ton of learning resources & tackle projects I'd never have done otherwise.

Still coding, still taking part in the community, still finding new career opportunities, and they seem to say it was worth it. 😄

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