NB: I wrote this tiny article for my Technical Program Manager's Newsletter, but the observations are valid for almost everyone.
Every time I talk or write about mental health, I am tempted to skip the "n" and to register it as Metal health. But I won't. This is not a topic to joke about. It's a hurtful issue.
I am drinking my ☕ and wondering where to start. I've been through many changes in my life, but I am confident you don't want to read about that. Instead, I focus on what I have learned and how you could use some tricks and approaches if you are in a similar situation.
Lack of identity
You are looking at the Jira boards; no one cares to update them. Then, you join a call where someone else talks for 50 minutes without you getting anything. When you try to share your opinion, it seems no one listens to you.
You try to make a change in a process and receive massive push-back from everyone.
Then you go to a conference, see that people do things differently, and the processes you are trying to change work "by default."
You feel that nobody cares about your contribution. You think that you don't belong there. You don't feel that you are valuable.
S**t happens.
Let's break this vicious cycle. You need to find out what your work identity is.
- Remember who you are. Remember what brought you to this project and what inspired you. Is this feeling still alive?
- Step back and look at the big picture. You may be going too deep, looking for problems that should not be solved.
- You are great. Probably, there is no one like you in the world. Take a break from work and go for a walk or a short vacation.
- Step in the other people's shoes and try to understand why they act this way and how you can enable them. Are you adding more complexity instead of reducing it?
- Get out of your comfort zone - have you tried to do something different?
- Schedule 1:1 with the people who are the most "hostile" towards you and try to understand why. They might have a good reason.
Talk to your manager or seek a mentor if you still need help to define your identity. There could be something you could do together. Reaching out for help and advice is a powerful weapon in your TPM tool belt.
I do it all the time!
Define: TPM
Apart from what's in our heads and what we can control, there is another problem that I've noticed and contributes significantly to the problem.
Some organizations hire technical program managers because someone heard that it's good to have a person to coordinate something or there is a budget for such a role.
I am not kidding! I've been working for an organization that invested a lot in knowledge for TPMs, and they realized this is different from what we want. We would instead make them Agile coaches. Then, after some time, they were let go.
If you don't have the support of the organization you are working with and they don't know why they need you, it doesn't help your identity as a professional.
How could you fix that?
Change your way of thinking. Now, you must prove you are a good fit for this program. You don't have the initial trust pool if you work in a company that knows how a TPM could benefit the effort.
- Based on your experience, analyze the program and propose a few changes.
- Ensure that you can measure the efficiency of the changes. Every success brings one coin to your trust pool.
- Talk to anyone in your program, explain what you can do for them, and ask whether this makes sense.
Of course, you could end up doing a lot of things, but you are smart enough to realize which of those issues are the ones that will remove the garbage from the system and where you add the value.
Me(n)tal Health
I'll give you a few examples that could inspire you to take a step in making yourself a better person. The lyrics align with what I am talking about. Happy listening!
Pantera: Walk
What it takes? Who I am? Where I've been, belong? You can't be something you're not Be yourself, by yourself Stay away from me A lesson learned in life Known from the dawn of time. Respect, walk
Arch Enemy: War Eternal
They try to change you
Crush and break you
Try to tell you what to do
They'd like to have control of you
Back against the wall
In danger of losing it all
Search deep inside
Remember who you are 🧡
I'll be happy if you share with me on how you dealt with this in your past? Feel free to e-mail me, if you want help!
Top comments (2)
I find that this advice resonates the most with my experience:
"Step in the other people's shoes and try to understand why they act this way and how you can enable them. Are you adding more complexity instead of reducing it?"
I tend to be a contrarian when I don't agree with something, instead of trying to work something out. When I feel negativity or hostility from my counterpart, I just shut down and sabotage the meeting altogether 😬
Every time I've stopped myself from acting this way I've seen a positive impact in the project's outcomes and in the relationship with my peers. I would encourage everyone to really, really try to understand why your teammates or bosses are acting the way they are around certain topics, people or outcomes. Only then can you become a part of the solution, instead of adding more wood to the fiery problem 🔥
I'll be happy if you share with me on how you dealt with this in your past?