The Interview I Thought I Bombed
Left that interview knowing I fucked it up. Every answer felt wrong, every pause too long. Sat there afterwards thinking "you are a failure" on repeat. The approach of "acknowledge what you don't know so you can do better next time" - complete bullshit. Didn't work. Just made me feel like I'd end up being a mess, good for nothing, disappointing everyone.
Then they called an hour later. I got it.
But here's the thing, it barely moved the needle. Sure, the guilt lifted a little, but it won't change the fact that I'm still a disaster who needs to improve. And they want me to do a month of unpaid training. Cool.
Avoiding My Parents
Almost 19 and I can't even pick up when my parents call. Like, why do they care about this person who has never done anything? I know they love me or whatever, but what's there to love? Some kid who stumbles through interviews and can barely function?
Living in the hostel means they can't see me skip dinner when the thoughts get too heavy. When "you're doing nothing with your life" starts playing on loop, even eating feels pointless.
The Presentation That Meant Nothing
Had this SIH presentation today. Apparently I'm "exceptionally good" at this part. Whole team was impressed as fuck, acting like I did something incredible. But all I had in my head was "I didn't do good enough, why are they even hyped up?"
It's weird being good at something and feeling absolutely nothing about it. They're cheering, I'm empty. They see talent, I see mediocrity. Maybe that's just how broken brains work.
The Weight of Almost 19
There's something particularly brutal about approaching 19 with no achievements. Not "no major achievements" - just nothing. Friends are getting internships, winning competitions, building impressive projects. I got a job offer I don't deserve and gave a presentation that felt like bare minimum effort.
The gap between what people see and what I feel is getting wider. They see potential, I see someone who's fooling everyone temporarily.
What Day 90 Actually Taught Me
Nothing profound. Nothing inspiring. Just that success doesn't automatically fix the voice in your head that says you're worthless. Got the job, nailed the presentation, still feel like shit.
Maybe tomorrow will be different. Probably not.
Speaking of feeling empty despite external success...
Mutiny is launching "The Void" - a networking platform specifically for founders who achieve things but feel nothing about them. Finally, a place where your emotional numbness is a qualification, not a disqualification.
We're matching successful-but-dead-inside entrepreneurs with investors who also hate themselves. Because sometimes you need someone equally hollow to understand your pitch.
Join the emptiness at mutiny-land.vercel.app
Day 90. Still here. Still nothing. Tomorrow is Day 91.
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