DCS exam almost killed me today.
The Exam Situation
Discrete Computer Structures. The syllabus was MASSIVE. Like actually absurd amounts of content.
Slept at 5am studying. Woke up at 8am. Exam at 10am.
Three hours of sleep. Walked in half-dead.
Got fumbled hard. Out of 50 marks, I'll probably pull 35. Maybe.
Bad? Yeah. Do I care? Not really. It's done. Moving on.
The Relationship Thought
Had this random thought today while sleep-deprived and over-caffeinated:
Being in a relationship is kind of arrogant, right?
Like you really think someone can love you unconditionally? That's wild confidence. That's believing you're worth that kind of commitment from another human.
I don't have that. The arrogance to think I deserve that or that it's even possible.
Maybe that's why I'm bad at relationships. Not because I don't want them, but because I can't believe in them.
Anyway. Moving on.
The Caffeine Situation
After the exam, took a nap. Woke up. Needed energy for the gym.
Chugged caffeine. A lot of it. Like... I don't even know how much. Just kept going until I felt alive.
Was it too much? Probably. Did it work? Yes. Am I okay? Unclear.
The Biceps Comeback
Remember my wrist injury? Been avoiding bicep work for weeks because of it.
Today I hit biceps. Actually hit them properly.
First time in so long. And it felt GOOD. Like my body remembered what it's supposed to do.
Not fully healed, but functional. That's progress.
Indian Culture Exam Tonight
Got another exam. Indian culture.
Zero pressure though. It's not real CS, not real tech. Just something to get through.
After the stress of DCS, this one feels like nothing.
The Appearance Thing
I look slightly better now. Tiny bit. Barely noticeable.
But I know time will humble me. It always does. So I'm not getting excited about it.
Back to self-hatred as scheduled. That's the baseline. Anything above it is temporary.
The Birthday Decision
Decided I'm gonna celebrate this time.
One last time before I disappear completely. One birthday where I actually do the social thing and pretend to be normal.
Then after that? Gone. Full hermit mode. Just me, the code, and the gym.
This is the goodbye party before I fully commit to the isolation.
Wrapping F9
Fumbled an exam. Had weird thoughts about relationships. Over-caffeinated. Hit biceps again finally. Got another exam tonight that doesn't matter.
Still here. Still functional. Still running on spite and coffee.
Day F9 done.
Sleep deprivation brings out the weirdest thoughts. Like why ARE relationships so arrogant? Discuss.
Top comments (0)