It's not exactly the beginning of 2026 but it still feels like it - it still feels like the beginning of 2026. Is it because we're still close to the Chinese New Year holiday? Perhaps. Is it because the work wise the goal for the year has yet to be aligned? Perhaps. But it still feels like the beginning of 2026.
I am not in a good place. Mentally I mean. Physically I can't complain much about where I am. Weather is favourable. I am wearing a t-shirt sitting in a coffee shop - where else. I don't feel cold. I don't feel warm. I am feeling hungry. But yeah I have not been in a good place mentally recently.
I feel small. I feel vulnerable. I get easily agitated. I am not sure what happened.
I was right though. I am fearful. I fear the things that is coming. A trip, a dinner party, a visit to the hospital, work. I also fear the things in the past. Something I said, something I didn't do.
All these things have one thing in common - they're not real. They're imaginative things that might happen in the future, or something could've happened differently in the past.
I have an active mind, which constantly creates stories that hurts myself. This is just absurd.
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