Introduction
This article serves not only as a guideline where I share my experience, but also as a personal reminder, a note to myself ...
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This is such a solid list - not just for managers, but for anyone navigating professional relationships in general!
Software is actually my second career. Long before diving into code, I was a restaurant training manager, which, to be honest, is exactly why you'll never catch me near a management role ever again. I dodge that with more enthusiasm than I dodge Friday deployments! 🐛
This one hit home hard. It took me forever to learn it - or maybe I finally just stopped worrying about things I couldn’t control. You never fully realize how much your emotional state affects your entire team until you see it happening firsthand. Once you’re aware, you can make meaningful adjustments.
You nailed it when you said good managers are respectful and can elevate others. I think their true value comes down to two things: fair leadership and helping others succeed. You can pretty much measure every management accomplishment by those alone.
Looking back, the best part of my management days was seeing the people I supported and promoted thrive and advance. Everything else? Exhausting, stressful, and not at all kind to introverts (yes, I’m the genius who thought customer service would be the perfect career 🙃).
Also, I'd love to add one more thing specifically for new managers or anyone considering this career path:
✨ Find a Confidant You Can Trust ✨
Seriously, you’re going to need one!
Once you step up to a certain level, you're no longer part of the team - you’re responsible for it. Balancing friendship and professionalism suddenly becomes a minefield of favoritism (yep, those casual hangouts or after-meeting chats can quickly turn complicated). So find yourself a trusted confidant at your level or higher who’s not directly involved with your team.
Believe me - I’ve spent many stressful moments locked in the restaurant freezer, venting to my boss on the phone because someone pushed me beyond my limit! 🥶❄️📞
As always, your comments are better than 90% of full posts out there, Ashley. Thank you for such amazing insights!
Staying calm in all situations can be challenging. I don't wanna brag or anything but nobody's ever seen me enraged or furious during my whole career, not because I don't have emotions, but I know it's not a proper way to work. It burns out the brain and wastes way too much energy.
Fairness is absolutely the most important trait for a leader. I've seen a quite a few occasions when leaders just made decisions based on their "feelings" and that is NEVER a good way to go — you don't wanna work with this kind of managers, EVER.
Finding a confidant can be really beneficial for one's mental health, but you need to be super careful. Sometimes when you trust someone too much, it can lead to pretty bad consequences. My philosophy is simple: never share every detail unless it's with your closest people.
Maybe you should give a try to a management role. I think you could be a great leader, considering that you like sharing experience and can engage into conversations, bringing a whole different perspective. Especially that now you're in a different type of business — software engineering is a completely different domain than restaurant training management. Think about it. I can give you some tips, I've been in ALL the possible scenarios already. 😄
Great call-out! And yes, you’re totally right - I actually went back and updated my original to ✨ Find a Confidant You Can Trust ✨ because that last part really is just as important!
Also, thanks for the encouragement, but I’m 100% happy in my “not-in-charge” zone. 😎 I get to jump in and help with the fun stuff my lead wishes they had time for, plus I love mentoring and training everyone else on the team. Bonus: There’s zero pressure, and I’m never the first name on the “wake up at 2am because something’s broken” list.
Honestly, the two weeks a year I fill in as lead is all the reminder I need - nope, I’m good! I’ll take my supportive sidekick role and a full night’s sleep, thanks.
I miss those days when I wasn't "in charge" and I'm a bit envious of you (in a good way) that you mostly get to do fun stuff.
But, from my experience, having responsibilities keeps you in shape ALL TIMES. It's stressful, sure, but it's also super-rewarding.
By the way, your "locked in the restaurant freezer" story legit sounds like a horror movie scenario. Something really bad must've happened that made you do that.
Rewarding is also true, but I've found other ways to account for that (like my intern kicking ass at his report-out last week!) 😇
As for the freezer thing: No, not really - that was the only go-to alone time I had on the 10 hour straight shifts. Me and that freezer got along great! 😆
Well, if you’re into cold weather like I am, the freezer would’ve been perfectly fine for a few minutes. 🤣 I get the same feeling when I have to work from the office now and then. Once I clock out, I head to the parking lot, sit in my car, and just unwind for a minute in silence. Then I start the engine and drive off. 😄
Great article, you chose every word really well and made every point in the list a worthy and useful insight. I often reflect on this topic and I truly appreciated your take on it. It also makes me more hopeful about mankind! Great job and thanks a lot for sharing this!
Thank you so much for such a great feedback! 🙌
After more 35 years of engineering management, the only comment I need to make is: You have arrived early my friend. You expressed most of what needs to be said, and extremely more eloquently than I could ever wish to do. Brilliant! I just wish everybody, regardless of the profession would read this slowly and thoughtfully. It would make the world a better place. Thanks for taking the time. I can't say that I enjoyed reading anything on the subject more - ever.
I really appreciate your comment! Especially from someone who's a seasoned veteran in my field. You have about 5 times more experience than me. Thank you!
16). is sooo important. Especially when there are more senior people in the team. It's about showing confidence and inspiring trust, even when we don't have all the answers.
Totally true! Being seemingly confident can make other people feel less insecure. They should feel like they have someone to rely on.
was this written by AI?
No. I don’t write articles because I have to. I actually enjoy the process. Writing with AI isn’t fun at all.
Hi @georgekobaidze, just curious. is Singular using .NET? Or Singular is more to NodeJs techstack?