Asking someone to write a letter of recommendation is universally awkward. It feels like you are asking for a massive favor, begging for compliments, and imposing on their busy schedule all at the same time.
But whether you are applying for grad school, a new job, or a competitive fellowship, strong references are non-negotiable.
The secret to getting a glowing letter of recommendation is simple: Make it as easy as possible for them to say yes.
Here is exactly how to ask for a reference without the anxiety.
1. Choose the Right Person
Do not just ask the person with the highest title. A generic letter from the CEO is worth far less than a highly specific, passionate letter from your direct manager.
Ask someone who:
- Directly supervised your work for at least six months.
- Can speak to specific projects or accomplishments.
- Actually likes you. (If they hesitate when you ask, move on to someone else).
2. Give Them an "Out"
When you ask for the recommendation, always give them a polite way to decline. If someone is too busy—or worse, doesn't feel comfortable writing a strong letter—you do not want them writing it.
Phrase your request like this: "I’m currently applying to [Program/Job], and I was wondering if you would feel comfortable writing a strong letter of recommendation for me based on our work together on the Alpha Project. I know your schedule is incredibly busy, so I completely understand if you don't have the bandwidth right now."
3. Do 90% of the Work For Them
This is the most important step. If they say yes, do not just say "Thanks!" and walk away.
Immediately send them a follow-up email that contains exactly what they need to write the letter quickly. This is often called a "brag sheet."
Include:
- The deadline for the letter and where to send it.
- Your updated resume.
- A bulleted list of 2-3 specific projects you worked on together, including measurable results.
- The specific skills or traits the program/job is looking for, so they can highlight those in their letter.
Some bosses will literally tell you: "Just write the letter yourself and I'll sign it." If they do, take the offer!
4. Give Them Plenty of Notice
Never ask for a letter of recommendation with less than two weeks' notice. A month is ideal. Rushing someone who is doing you a favor is incredibly unprofessional and will result in a rushed, generic letter.
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Originally published at lettercraft.pro/blog/reference-request
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