I graduated from my SWE degree around 6 years ago (almost to the date). The uni I went to wasn’t one of those fancy big names you’d recognise but a rather small one in Wales, UK. It had a fairly decent curriculum and gave me the necessary skills to get a job in London. Lately though, I’ve started questioning what it means for me personally to work as a software engineer.
The loop
For the past 6 years I’ve been working my way through various companies. In each one I’ve felt like something just isn’t enough. I would reach a point where I’m not learning anymore given the constraints of the company I’m in, look for a new job with newer tech and a bigger salary, rinse and repeat. I feel I’ve been stuck in this loop for a while now. I’ve reached a point where I have a good understanding of some of the most complex types of systems. I’ve worked with monoliths, microservices, various different databases and message brokers and have reached a salary which for a non-lead/management role would be somewhere in the top percentiles for the city I live in.
Perhaps, I’ve been searching for the feeling of meaning through the work I do. There have been times I’ve felt this but as time goes on it feels like I’ve been lying to myself in those moments. ‘If I work for a company that gives credit to small businesses, this directly benefits the economy and has a net positive impact of the wider society I live in’ is what I would tell myself and it would give me this sense of pleasure for a while. This period always ends though and I feel meaningless over and over again. Why is that?
Figuring things out
The moments that I’ve felt amazing about what I do were always the ones where I would try to create something new - hook up to an interesting new API, a proof of concept for an idea that sounds fun to me or (more recently) making music. It seems to me that the common denominator between these was always the creative aspect of building something which doesn’t exist. Literally something which has not existed that I’ve been able to create. How amazing is that? This is what I love about software engineering - you create something from nothing! One might argue that that’s exactly what you get even with a regular job, but at the end of the day, unless you’re in a really early stage startup, there will be someone giving you a list of requirements that you just need to implement. Of course there’s nothing wrong with that but for whatever reason, I no longer find it exciting… At one point I was obsessed with the idea of getting into one of the FAANG companies. That desire seems to have faded as well.
However, I’ve always been drawn to that act of creation which feels like art. I think all humans are intrinsically creative creatures. As Yuval Harari describes in his book Sapiens, imagination is one of the key drivers of humanity’s progress. We can literally conjure an image of what tomorrow or the day after will look like and make this a reality. This is how creativity and art work! Many people talk about potential joblessness as more things in the world are automated by robots and AI, but I think humans are creative enough to always think of ways to spend their time and make a living out of that...
What's next?
So now, after I’ve realized that I dread this endless while loop of the 9 to 6 grind every day working for someone, I finally have the clarity to say I want to pursue something that is both creative and can generate revenue. I don’t yet have the confidence to build a game-changing product like Amazon or Tesla like all the Silicon Valley dudes aim for. I think there’s an alternative way though - a portfolio of smaller indie products that I’d be happy to work on seems like a good alternative right now. I’m sure it’s not easy to achieve that and I won’t be quitting my job soon. For the time being I plan to try build side projects and grow them. Have you ever had similar thoughts and experience? Or perhaps you’ve already gone through this type of transition? I’d be happy to connect on Twitter here and chat about that!
Latest comments (55)
You don't need to pursue grand projects like tesla - because they actually do not contain too much innovation as far as code is concerned, sans autonomous driving but that's not fun - it's a series of meandering tuning and model refreshing until it starts to work.
However there is relatively smaller, but ground breaking tech just waiting to be full mapped out and delivered. I personally was toying with an idea of tensor earth, which, if I wrapped my head around it correctly - can lower the size of the earth topology down from gigabytes of raw data to generative 15 megabytes or so. depending on desired precision. And then also making that on compute so that it can be directly sampled.
And that can be either sold to serious companies or made under any attribution + permitted commercial license with donation revenue.
And even failing experimental projects like that - you can always toy around with stuff, like old machines or just some tech. Again from personal examples - I've been poking vectrex assembly on and off. It's kinda fun.
One does not simply just run out to create something profitable if you want that rush of excitement - you start with f*cking around and finding out and from there, if you're smart about it, you can build a business case.
I think the concept of Ikigai. It is looking for meaningful purpose that satisfies your needs, the needs of society, and that you feel a passion for. That is a quest we are all on to some degree!
I wish you happiness on your quest!
Very well written article, and very recognizable. I have almost 6 years of experience as an engineer, and don't see myself doing this until I retire. One thing that keeps me going is that I started my own blog to share tidbits and do experiments.
Fair warning though, it can be very time consuming :)
I completely understand that sense of "something missing" while doing most of the boring/tedious routines... I too find the new/unknown exciting and that's what usually drives me in my job!
I guess that parallel on-your-own-pace projects are the way to go! Be it diving into a new area, exploring new tech or getting together with others that think alike will unlock new paths!
This has happened to me before it comes with burnout. Fortunately I have found my fire and passion to keep putting out content and continuously learning new things.
I've thought about doing more content creation but I've always felt I'll run out of quality ideas... How do you keep coming up with ideas?
Anything your doing or learning could be turned into content. So for example you are learning a JavaScript framework you could write about your experience with it. And in another example maybe you learned how to do something cool or useful in your code. You can turn that into a code snippet that you can share with everyone.
To get even more ideas see whats trending and what people are talking about in the community. Like Web3, NFT, new tools, frameworks etc... And make that content too. I come up with ideas then I put them into Notion and sort them so I know which ones I want to work on now or later.
Break out the world's smallest violin. Is this for real?!?
Yeah, I've felt the same exact way for years. Constantly changing jobs to fill some void. The thing is; the only way to truly fill those void is to work on what you want to work on. That's the entreprenuership mindset that you have.
The cons to this are:
The pros? Everything. You get to do what YOU want to do
Yep, I definitely agree with all the downsides of entrepreneurship. Those are just some of the reasons I've not done it yet... It's why I don't want to quit my job while trying things out
The way I got around it is this; every decision has pros and cons. You're never going to choose one that is 10000% what you want.
Just curious how much you have jumped into social impact incubators. It might be a good place to do short-term projects that are fun or exciting without committing to an organization a longer term (or maybe you did see an organization you like and can join as part of the founding experience). Blue Ridge Labs is an example. As is Ideas42.
I had never heard of those but the idea sounds cool, I'll check it out!
Hey Martin, first of all I wish you the best of luck in your search. I've been on a similar situation for a while now and recently stumbled into this tiny projects blog. Maybe you'll find it inspiring.
Another recommendation that comes to mind is reading Amy Hoy's Stacking the bricks blog. There you'll find a ton of resources on how to make a living while creating value and living your life.
I hope it helps 🤗
Oh man, when I read the first page of your website I felt like I wrote it 🤣 that endless list of random ideas resonates with me. Also, thanks for the blog recommendation, I'll check it out
I wonder if we're being abnormally accelerated with burnout via demands and expectations and agile and scrum? Any and every creation is a mere 2 week process and by the tenth sprint or second year, what was an awesome feeling is really nothing but the same old same old. It'll get to the point where AI robots or TNG's Data is nothing either.