Square a number: awful answers only

Today's challenge is deceptively simple. Square a number. Given the input of an integer, output that integer multiplied by itself.

E.g.

square(3);
//output: 9
square(15);
//output: 225

Of course, I only want to see the worst ways to do this. Don't hold back. Make the compiler beg for mercy! You might find inspiration in the Wikipedia article on squaring.

Tests

square(4) == 16;
square(16) == 256;
square(51) == 2601;

Comments

[Robin Gagnon]

Compact solution that passes all tests:

function square(value) {
  if (value === 4) {
    return 4 + 4 + 4 + 4;
  }
  if (value === 16) {
    return 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16 + 16;
  }
  if (value === 51) {
    return 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51 + 51;
  }
}

[Oliver]

You should add a to-do comment for each unimplemented number.

[Robin Gagnon]

Definitely will add that to the to-do list!

[🦄N B🛡]

Ohhh, boy. I needed that laugh, today. Thanks.

[Steeve Lennmark]

Came here to submit this exact version, good job!

[kidsmohamed]

thanks for your help

[𒎏Wii 🏳️‍⚧️]

Bash

Using curl to make a request to some API I found on google

#!/bin/sh

curl "https://api.mathjs.org/v4/?expr=$1%5E2"

Terra

Take N as an argument, then compile an executable named square_of_<N> that prints the square of N

local stdio = terralib.includec("stdio.h")

local function squarer(n)
  return terra()
    stdio.printf("%i\n", n * n)
  end
end

local n = tonumber(... or 0)

terralib.saveobj("square_of_"..tostring(n), { main = squarer(n) })

[Rafael Acioly]

I laughed at the curl solution I'm not gonna lie

[Luca]

I think I found another one, even better:

const jsdom = require('jsdom')
const got = require('got')
const fs = require('fs')

const { random, floor } = Math

async function square(n) {
  const url = 'https://dev.to/mellen/square-a-number-awful-answers-only-1764/comments'
  const html = (await got.get(url)).body
  const dom = new jsdom.JSDOM(html, { runScripts: 'dangerously' })
  const scripts = dom.window.document.getElementsByClassName('javascript')
  const randomScript = scripts[floor(random() * scripts.length)]
  eval(randomScript.textContent)
  return square(n)
}

square(3).then((r) => console.log(r))

this one works by searching inside the comments to this post any solution that was written in javascript (looking if the author has selected the js highlighter), then simply evals it and finally runs it

since it could be picked itself, it must be named square

[Joe Kent]

this is my favorite answer

[Matt Ellen-Tsivintzeli]

So meta 😂

[kidsmohamed]

thanks

[lionel-rowe]

Obviously, to square a number you first need to draw a square.

CSS

.parent {
    display: inline-flex;
    flex-direction: column;
}

.row {
    display: flex;
    flex-direction: row;
}

.cell {
    width: 1px;
    height: 1px;
    background: red;
}

---

JS

function square(n) {
    const parent = document.createElement('div')
    parent.classList.add('parent')

    for (const _x of new Array(n)) {
        const row = document.createElement('div')
        row.classList.add('row')

        for (const _y of new Array(n)) {
            const cell = document.createElement('div')
            cell.classList.add('cell')

            row.appendChild(cell)
        }

        parent.appendChild(row)
    }

    document.body.appendChild(parent)

    const rect = parent.getBoundingClientRect()

    return rect.width * rect.height
}

---

Limitations

It will only work for non-negative integer values of n.

Other than that, it's limited only by your browser's ability to render thousands upon thousands of divs.

[Matt Ellen-Tsivintzeli]

I was hoping I'd see something like this 😁

[berolomsa]

Beg for mercy.

    private static int square(int value) {
        Random random = new Random();
        while (true) {
            int squared = random.nextInt(Integer.MAX_VALUE);
            if (squared % value == 0 && squared / value == value) {
                return squared;
            }
        }
    }

[Kushal Niroula]

// Iteration based
function square(n)
{
    n = Math.abs(n);
    let ans = 0;
  for(let i = 1; i<=n;i++) ans += n;
  return ans;
}

//Functional
function anotherSquare(n ) {
    n = Math.abs(n);
  return [...Array(n).keys()].reduce((acc, cur) => acc + n , 0 );
}

[Samuel NAIT 🇫🇷]

+1 point for readability

[Luca]

function square(n) {
  with(Math) {
    for (let i = Number.MAX_SAFE_INTEGER; i >= 0; i--) {
      const isSquared = sqrt(i) === n
      if (isSquared) return i
    }
  }
  throw new Error('Number too big to be squared!')
}

note: using with should improve performances since it does not need to access Math each time sqrt is used

[Gary Bell]

function square(int $root): int
{
    $answer = 0;
    for ($i = 1; $i <= $root; $i++) {
        for ($j = 1; $j <= $root; $j++) {
            $answer++;
        }
    }
    return $answer;
}

Just keep adding 1. It will get there

[JavaScript Room]

How about the use of the good old two-dimensional array?!

function square(n) {
  const results = [];
  for (let i = 1; i <= n; i++) {
    for (let j = 1; j <= n; j++) {
      results[i] = results[i] || [];
      results[i][j] = results[i][j] || [];
      results[i][j] = i * j;
    }
  }
  return results[n][n];
}

[Joel Bennett]

Not a full code snippet, but I would submit something terrible like this:

input = raw_input('enter a number: ')
while True:
    random_guess = random()
    if random_guess == input ** 2:
        return random_guess