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natalie stroud
natalie stroud

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Tubthumping - Chumbawamba

Some of you might be thinking, "hey Natalie, it's been awhile!" The rest of you might be thinking "what's with the title?"

Before I clarify, let me just mention you almost got 'Get Up 10 - Cardi B'. I had to gauge my audience, okay?

I'm posting on behalf of some imposter syndrome I'm having today and as of late. For some strange reason the lyrics to Tubthumping popped up in my head: I get knocked down, but I get up again / You are never gonna keep me down. Then it just felt like a personal mantra to how I've been feeling in this whole self taught realm lately.

Let's see, my last post was towards the end of March and it was a HELP ME kind of post. My last real post was a few days before that talking about my mental health and I had this idea for a small series for myself and that train completely derailed.

Since then, I can say I've jumped into JavaScript. I'm not at all an expert, probably whatever counts as less than novice really. I will say it feels good to reach part 3 of what I think is the Front-End Trifecta.

I've also listened to podcasts, I'm day 33 into #100DaysOfCode, I'm 37% done with Colt Steele's bootcamp, I declined an onsite bootcamp, I've had 2 interviews for software dev positions (idk really, I think I blacked out and went on a job application spree) and then crickets, I just installed npm/git/NodeJS today and played around with Vue for the first time (thank you Tyler VanBlargan! @PichuPlayer), I've signed up for probably 3 or 4 slacks, I read, plug away at freeCodeCamp until I have no idea what's going on anymore, and so on.

What I want to talk about is my experience so far on the job side. Now let me preface this by saying 1) I'm aware I'm probably nowhere close to having the skills needed for a junior role, 2) jobs are jobs and if I'm being contacted for something, I should take that with an open and happy heart, and 3) if you're reading this and you think I'm being incredibly whiny, I'm with you. So please excuse me.

Like I said, I've applied for 2 Software Dev roles but sadly, crickets which I take it means I was not selected. I've always had this weird thing where even if I don't have all of the requirements for a job, I'll apply for them anyways. Like in high school. I found an engineering scholarship (I was going to be pre-pharmacy at the time) that nobody had applied for but I went for it anyways. Not sure why really. I figured I needed to apply for something and anything would help. Lo and behold I was the recipient of said scholarship. So I think a lot of that event has been applied to today when it comes to jobs. Plus I always have that "if not now, when?" type of mantra stuck in the back of my head.

So I go for it. I've gone for it to the point lately that it's felt like a hobby. In the first round, after not hearing back from interview #1 and leaving feeling like I knew I wasn't getting the job, after some minor crying I managed to talk myself up and remind myself that they reached out to me (yes, they did! no job application here!) So it felt like I needed to remember this was something I was capable of.

Then comes the second round and I felt even more confident than the last one. Still no answer which I took as a no.

But I'm grateful! I'm so grateful to have even been pulled into these kinds of things even if I could get a glimpse.

Suddenly I've hit a rock where it seems like the junior roles I've found, I've applied for and I tend to hold off on the roles without 'Junior' seated at the beginning. It's like sitting on Facebook, waiting for someone you want to talk to to appear online. I'm doing that with these opportunities.

In another instance, I applied to something and an email preview popped up with a response making me eager. The response was fast so I couldn't help but lean on the positive side of things only to find that I would not be considered. Again, a response is nice! It's something, right?

About an hour or two later, I get an email asking me if I'd be interested in a Customer Service Representative role. This is where you can cue my whining.

I'm sure I should recognize that if I put myself out there, I should be aware that I'm going to receive these kinds of offers that don't always trickle down through the industry I want to be in. Lately I have been bombarded with messages about doing 'Helpdesk Support' (been there, done that) and 'Customer Service' (since day 1).

Call it timing, but I can't help but feel like the series of events felt like a mini slap in the face. Obviously nobody had these intentions, and obviously this is just the way my mind works. Like I said too, I'm aware I'm probably nowhere close to having the skills I need either. That right there should be my wake up call - I'm proficient in customer service but not quite development. But of course, my mind went to the whole 'you're not good enough for a dev job, stick with what you know'

I guess in the long run, I hope someone reads this (whether you're self-taught, a junior, not a junior, a career switcher or not, a CodeNewbie or versed in all things dev) and feels like they can relate. And if so, while I should take my own advice, just know I'm rooting for you. Nothing brightens my day more than those posts about landing that 'dream job' or even just a 'junior role'. I guess because I love seeing people's work pay off and I know I'm waist deep in a community filled with support where lifting others up isn't a skill it just seems to come natural.

Like I said, I'm sure this is pretty complaintive. I apologize if that's how this is seen but I couldn't help but get it off my chest. As I said before, if you're in this and struggling, if you can relate even a little, here's your reminder that someone is rooting for you!

Top comments (4)

desi profile image

Such a good song for imposter syndrome! Keep on keeping on. <3

nataliecodes profile image
natalie stroud

Thank you Desi :D

dylanesque profile image
Michael Caveney

On the contrary, it's probably better to start applying too early rather than too late. I definitely waited until far too late.

nataliecodes profile image
natalie stroud

See and I felt like I started way too early. I know I did because I started applying before I even had JS skills. But I also knew I wasn't going to get far without them. If anything I was hoping to even score an internship