Disclaimer:
This post is meant to talk about the current state of my career and mental health in the hope of receiving support. It is not intended to blame or hurt anyone.
I was recently asked to resign from a reputable organization due to subpar performance. I was working on a task that I couldn’t complete before the deadline. During my appraisal meeting, my manager placed me on a one-month PIP (Performance Improvement Plan). I followed everything they asked during that period, but afterward, HR still asked me to submit my resignation.
After almost four years of service, I am now unemployed and questioning my skills. Is this really how IT jobs are supposed to work?
I’m a self-taught MERN stack developer. After college, I did some freelancing, then worked on a contract job for a year before joining the organization I just left. From the interview process to the offer, I genuinely admired how the company handled everything even the compensation was above my expectations. I felt welcomed and was quickly placed into a project after a single client interview. I spent nearly a year working for the same client under two different projects.
In my second year, I was moved to another project for the same client. However, this was an older version of the previous project, and the codebase was significantly more complex and outdated. Still, I didn’t complain I saw it as a challenge and pushed myself to learn. Though I struggled initially, I eventually adapted and even mentored junior developers.
But over time, I realized I couldn’t grow in that project. It lacked contemporary features, best practices, or any opportunity to learn new things. Eventually, my tasks boiled down to analyzing old code and copy-pasting it into new modules. It became monotonous and uninspiring.
That’s when things started to go downhill.
Almost three years passed, and I was still on the same project. At times, I was expected to handle multiple features simultaneously. The real challenge wasn’t the coding itself it was the documentation, lack of clarity, and restricted access. Often, we had to start development without complete requirements, just to keep up with deadlines. Changes would be made later when documents were finally available.
When I discussed these issues with a co-worker, he advised me to leave he himself had already started interviewing. But with financial and family responsibilities, I couldn’t focus on job hunting. I was mentally exhausted, and even daily work became a struggle. I lost all motivation and felt stuck in a loop.
Around this time, the company was going through restructuring. Senior positions were being reshuffled, and there were rumors of layoffs. I dismissed them, believing this company wouldn't resort to that.
Then one day, I completely burned out and couldn’t finish a task. Coincidentally, my appraisal came around, and based on what I confirmed with a co-worker my manager used that opportunity to push me onto a PIP. It turns out this was a planned move. The client was transitioning to a newer version of the project and was releasing team members one by one.
As per my co-worker, anyone placed on a PIP was expected to resign, regardless of how they performed during it.
When I finally realized the truth, I had already been unemployed for two months and my self-esteem was shattered. What hurt me the most and what continues to haunt me was how they delivered the final verdict. I still remember the exact words:
"Your entire performance is equivalent to one year of experience."
The worst part? I believed it.
It’s taken time, but I’ve started processing these emotions and distancing myself from the negativity. Still, doubts linger:
- Am I good enough?
- Is there a future for me in this field?
- If I failed that task, does it mean I wasn’t capable to begin with?
- With AI changing the landscape, especially in front-end development, do I even stand a chance anymore?
Am I a developer? or have I reached the Height of Imposter Syndrome?
The anxiety and depression are still here. I suppose that’s why I’m writing this to talk to people who might understand what I’m going through. If you can, please offer career guidance or share your experiences. I’d be truly grateful.
Thank you.
Top comments (3)
You're not alone in feeling like this. Questioning your own capabilities demonstrates your own self awareness, not failure or inaptitude. As a dev myself for over 10 years, you'll have ups and downs throughout your career. Sometimes you'll build or do things that amaze people. Other times, you'll feel like you're not good at anything. I try to use these moments as learning experiences.
Try your best not to get emotionally attached to the code you write. It's hard. I do it too, but the code you write doesn't define who you are. The introduction of all these AI tools will only complicate your own self awareness. Am I just using AI to write the code? Do I really understand what it's doing?
I'm working a contract gig right now that has me building the most amateur stuff I've ever built in my life and I hate it, but I stick to it so that I can support my family. You won't always do what you love, but you can try to make the best of what you've got. My wife always tells me to take a break and go outside when I feel depressed and just soak up some sun and realize things aren't as heavy as you might make them out to be.
Maybe the gig you had wasn't the best fit for your skillset. That's ok. There are other roles out there even when the job market is tough (like now). Lots of truly agile companies adjust timelines based on momentum. Maybe your manager wasn't capable and didn't evaluate the situation like they should have.
All you can do is your best. If you enjoy writing code, you're one of us(a dev). Spend your time leveling up and you'll find a role that best fits what you want. Keep learning and don't let this feeling of failure linger. Go build something on your own to get that feeling of success back. You got this!
Thanks @kylelogue for this comment, I just wanted to speak my mind somewhere without getting judged. I am back into learning and building an application for my own. Hopefully will land a job soon. Once again, thanks for the time and effort for this comment, really appreciate it.
Great! Glad to support someone feeling down. We all find ourselves there at some point. I hope you get back to feeling confident once again!