Originally published on my blog mullinstack.com
You, your future self, your kids and their future-self will gain priceless life gifts
I was deeply focused on building a new app feature. It was a feature with a complex business logic.
Suddenly I heard a little cry.
I slowly started to listen it way closer and higher.
Guess what was happening?
Yes, you're right.
A little and sweet girl was crying.
I stood up from my chair and walked off from my office room to see what's going on.
There's she was. A sweet girl shedding tears and raising her hands so I can pick her up.
Her weeping, seemed to be related that she did not feel comfortable.
How did I know it?
Simply. I deeply know her since the first day she was born.
You might think this was the first time she was crying and interrupting me. No. You are not right.
This was the third time during the day.
So I was quite exhausted combining my full-time job and my full time as a stay-home dad.
I knew what to do, though.
Juggling coding and changing diapers
Coding and changing diapers are two chores I have never thought I would do it together.
At a glance, it seems quite simple, trivial and feasible. Isn't it?
Yet, it is not.
Why?
Let's categorize a task by its complexity for a better understanding. There are simple, medium and complex tasks, correct?
So the simple chore of changing diapers is easy but with a high cost because of the distraction.
Fact: It takes about 23 minutes and 15 seconds to fully regain focus after a distraction, according to a study by Gloria Mark, a researcher on workplace behavior.
Of course there are a few factors we need to consider like task complexity, type of distraction and the person itself but a thumb of rule this is time needed to come back to the task you were working on.
So, as I said at the beginning, I was on building a complex business logic feature that demanded a high level of focus.
This type of work is the art of joining and moving puzzles, so you need deep work.
Yet, being interrupted several times during the day was hard to get things done.
I did not know how hard this would be.
Yet, I had to do it.
I now understand you all stay-home moms and dads that work from home and hold on your back kids and house chores.
This is so damn fuck**** hard.
Working from home and transparency
Back then, I was a parent of two kids, 6 years old son and a little daughter of 6 months old. Still today.
My wife worked on a government institution, so she needed to commute and go to the office.
Me on the opposite worked from home since after COVID-19 succumb the world.
We moved out to the capital when our firs kid was 4 years old.
When our daughter born, we had no relatives or loved ones or trusted friends who take care of kids even partially.
It was so damn hard to find support.
So I was transparent about my personal situation with my boss. Fortunately, he understood, and I got all the support and encouragement to keep going.
Even though I almost succumbed to this time, I tried to focus on the good things or benefits I could get from this situation.
Benefits for dads and kids by changing diapers
As Epictetus said
It is not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters
Changing diapers bring some benefits for both parents and kids.
Changing diapers provides an opportunity for close interaction, helping parents and kids bond through touch, eye contact, and playful communication.
During this period of life, babies' brains grow more rapidly which they need their diapers changed than will ever be the case again.
According to a research, approximately 1000 synaptic connections are formed every second during this period.
And it is the emotional experiences that babies have over and over again that build the most robust neural pathways.
Nappy changing isn't quite as trivial as we might at first have thought.
It has an impact on babies' brain development.
Apart from that, as a full-time worker, being more productive was something I took advantage of this situation.
Being more productive even under the daunting days
Really, Bob?. Please guide me how.
Yes sure here a proof of a week when I went so damn productive.
This is a Slack message I shared at my work the end of the week.
So proud of myself of accomplished this.
Provided by author - Slack message sharing my most productive week
I was 2x more productive at work, even when taking care of my little daughter during the day.
I played soccer as Messi on a tournament. If you believe it, it is TRUE.
I took cared of my little 6-month-old daughter. I played with her. I fed her.
I retook Undebtme project after a month of rethinking and fighting with infra stuff.
I stopped being hard with myself on things I can't control.
I did more workouts than the previous 3 weeks or so.
Final Thoughts
Parenthood, especially when paired with a full-time job that demands focus and deep work, is an unparalleled test of patience, resilience, and adaptability.
My journey of juggling coding and childcare has been filled with challenges, but it's also been deeply rewarding.
Through the tears, distractions, and moments of exhaustion, I've come to the realization: the chaos of balancing work and family life isn't a hindrance - it's a privilege.
The quiet moments of changing diapers, the heartfelt cries for comfort, and the interruptions that remind me of what truly matters - my kids.
For all the stay-home-parents out there walking this delicate line, remember this: you're doing something extraordinary.
Every day you show up, for both your work and your family, is a triumph. Congrats! You all are extraordinary.
It would be great to have your experience on this. Drop them in the comment section.
Thanks for reading!
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