This morning started like most others - with stretching and the best intentions. Then reality kicked in.
I spent the entire morning procrastinating about going to the library. Not because I'm lazy, but because dealing with batchmates and their unwanted attention just completely drains my social battery. Sometimes you just want to study in peace without having to navigate small talk and social dynamics.
My legs are currently staging a full revolt from yesterday's luggage lifting adventure. I'm walking around like I aged 20 years overnight, and my wrist heat therapy is ongoing. The physical toll of college life hits different when you're already running on empty.
But here's what really got me thinking today - I managed to get through half of my data structures theory, and it hit me that this is literally the first time I'm actively deciding what to study while being in college. I've been on complete autopilot until now.
The irony is brutal. Now that I actually care about learning specific things, the variety of options is giving me decision paralysis. I spent the morning with a genuine headache just thinking about what to prioritize. Too many interesting topics, not enough brain capacity to process them all.
I've said "I'll do it tomorrow" about seven times this week, which is honestly becoming a running joke at this point. But there's something deeper here - the transition from not caring to suddenly having strong opinions about your education is more jarring than anyone talks about.
It's wild how choosing to be intentional about learning can feel more overwhelming than just coasting through assignments. Decision fatigue is real, and it hits hardest when the stakes actually matter to you.
Maybe the real challenge isn't the content itself, but learning how to care without burning out from the weight of infinite possibilities.
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