It's 9:20 PM on Day 95 of building in public, and I'm having one of those moments where reality hits different.
Yesterday was pure chaos. I submitted my pitch project exactly 2 minutes before the deadline - that specific kind of panic where your heart is racing, your hands are shaking slightly, and you're clicking "submit" while simultaneously praying to every deity that the internet doesn't fail you in this crucial moment.
The relief was instant. That weight-off-your-shoulders, "holy-shit-I-actually-did-it" feeling that makes you want to immediately celebrate and sleep for 12 hours.
The Inevitable Crash
And that's exactly what happened. My brain basically went on strike today.
You know that feeling when you complete something big and your entire system just... shuts down? Like your motivation took one look at the completed project and said "welp, our work here is done" - conveniently forgetting about the exam tomorrow, the other deadlines lurking, and basic life maintenance.
I spent most of today cleaning my room instead of studying. Six hours. On laundry and organizing and making my space look Pinterest-worthy. Was this productive? Debatable. Did it feel necessary? Absolutely.
The Mental Whiplash of Being 18
There's something surreal about switching between these different versions of yourself. One day you're thinking about user experience, market validation, and building something that could potentially change the world. The next day you're cramming for a college exam on material you'll probably forget in three months.
It's this weird duality of being young enough that college still matters, but old enough to be building real things that could actually impact people. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in two different timelines simultaneously.
The 9:20 PM Reality Check
So here I am, freshly showered, room spotless, zero pages of studying done, with an exam in less than 12 hours. My brain is doing that thing where it suddenly remembers people I wasn't supposed to be thinking about (shoutout to overthinking at the worst possible times).
The next two weeks are going to be this constant juggle between college exams and the projects I actually care about building. It feels awkward timing - like being interrupted in the middle of a good conversation to do dishes.
What's Actually Happening Here
I think this post-deadline crash is more common than we talk about. When you're working on something you care about, especially under pressure, your brain goes into this intense focus mode. All your energy, creativity, and problem-solving capacity gets channeled into that one thing.
And when it's done? Your brain needs to process, to reset, to figure out what comes next. But modern life doesn't give you that processing time. There's always another deadline, another exam, another thing demanding your immediate attention.
Maybe the room cleaning wasn't procrastination. Maybe it was my brain's way of creating physical order while it sorts through the mental chaos of transitioning from "pitch mode" to "exam mode" to whatever comes next.
Moving Forward
Tomorrow (well, technically today since it's past 9 PM) I'll crack open those textbooks. I'll probably pull it together enough to not completely bomb the exam. The next two weeks will be a blur of balancing college requirements with the projects that actually excite me.
But tonight? Tonight I'm acknowledging that this messy, non-linear, slightly chaotic way of building things is probably more normal than the polished "I wake up at 5 AM and optimize every minute" narrative we see everywhere.
Sometimes you submit things 2 minutes before deadline. Sometimes you spend the next day cleaning instead of studying. Sometimes your brain needs to wander to people and thoughts you'd rather avoid.
And somehow, it all works out.
Day 95 of building in public. Still figuring it out, one chaotic day at a time.
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