After yesterday's breakdown, didn't expect much from today. But here we are.
The DBMS Exam
Monday. The exam I didn't study for because I lost Day F5 completely.
Walked in expecting to bomb it. Genuinely thought I was about to fail.
Three hour exam. I was done in one hour.
Just... wrote what I knew, didn't overthink it, got out of there. Probably pulled a B-. Maybe B if I'm lucky. Either way, not the disaster I expected.
Sometimes your brain just pulls through when you least expect it. Or maybe I absorbed more from those half-focused study sessions than I thought. Who knows.
Straight to the Gym
Finished the exam early. Didn't go to my room. Went straight to the gym.
Leg and shoulder day. The kind that usually destroys you.
And I lifted well. Actually well. Not struggling, not barely getting through it—I was strong today.
After yesterday when I couldn't lift what I normally do and hated myself for it, today felt like proof I'm not completely falling apart.
Body still works. Mind still works. Just had to show up.
The Founder Connections
Also connected with some founders today. Tech people, startup people. Haven't had real conversations yet but the connection's there.
And it reminded me of something I keep forgetting: this is what I'm good at.
Not relationships. Not friendships. Not the normal social stuff that everyone else seems to figure out easily.
I'm good at tech. At understanding what people are building. At talking about code and projects and ideas.
That's my lane. That's where I belong.
The Realization (Again)
I keep coming back to this: I'm good at what I do BECAUSE I'm bad at everything else.
All those hours I didn't spend learning how to be normal? I spent them learning this stuff. The trade-off is real and I can't have both.
So I'm done trying.
Gonna ignore everyone and everything that isn't this. The tech world, the building, the founders, the projects—that's it. That's where my energy goes.
Who cares about the rest? Clearly it doesn't work for me anyway.
Moving Forward
Two weeks of exams still ahead. But if I can pull a B- on an exam I thought I'd fail, maybe the rest won't kill me either.
One day at a time. Show up, do the thing, lift heavy, connect with the right people, ignore everything else.
Day F6 is done. And for once, it wasn't a disaster.
Let's keep it going.
Sometimes you surprise yourself. Not in a dramatic way, just in a "oh I didn't completely fall apart" way. I'll take it.
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