Today's exam was apparently very difficult.
I say "apparently" because I honestly couldn't tell.
The Exam
My classmates walked out devastated. Like genuinely upset. Talking about how brutal it was, how they definitely failed, how unfair the questions were.
And I'm just... whatever about it.
Not because I'm smart or prepared or confident. I studied for maybe 3 hours like I do for every exam. They all feel the same to me at this point—show up, write what you know, leave.
Some people would call that careless. Maybe it is. But it's working so far.
The Phase I'm In
I'm liking this phase. Not the exam stress part—that's still there. But something else.
I'm getting over the whole "stay in bed when I feel shitty" thing.
Used to be when things got bad, I'd just rot. Lie there, scroll, feel worse, repeat. But lately when I feel like shit, I just... do productive planning/work instead.
Not because I'm motivated or inspired. Just because staying in bed makes it worse and at least work is something.
Maybe that's growth. Maybe that's just better avoidance. I don't know. But I like it.
The Birthday Question
My birthday's on the 29th.
Friends want to celebrate. Do the whole birthday thing.
And I'm sitting here like... should I?
On one hand, it's an excuse to have fun. Break from the routine. Do something that isn't exams or code or gym.
On the other hand, does it really matter? I'm turning 19. Is that worth celebrating? Do I even care?
I genuinely don't know.
So I'm asking you: should I celebrate or not?
Like really, tell me. Because I can't figure out if birthdays matter or if they're just another thing we do because we're supposed to.
Friends want to. I'm neutral. What's the move?
The Careless Thing
People keep calling me careless. About exams, about social stuff, about things normal people stress over.
And yeah, maybe I am. But also—I'm functional. I'm showing up. I'm passing (probably). I'm working out. I'm getting better at the productive work thing.
Is that careless or is that just knowing what actually matters to me?
The exam was hard for everyone else. For me it was just another exam. Maybe that's a problem. Maybe that's fine.
I don't know. But right now I'm okay with not knowing.
What's Next
More exams through Sunday. Still doomed, still unprepared, still don't really care.
But I'm not rotting. I'm doing things. That's progress even if it doesn't look like it.
And maybe I'll celebrate my birthday. Or maybe I won't. Someone help me decide because I genuinely cannot figure this out.
Day F8. Still here. Still whatever about most things.
And honestly? That's fine.
Real question: do birthdays matter at 19/20? Let me know because I'm lost on this one.
Top comments (2)
And man, for your question that do birthdays matter? Not going too philosophical, its just a date that changes on calendar and nothing much! Not just at 19/20, at all phases.It only matters when we gain enough maturity and experience for that age! (something that I learned from elders!)
Bhai! For me, it goes like this, if I can't celebrate others birthdays' or at least I can't attend others birthdays, then I just would not celebrate mine! Because, if my friends ask why are you not coming to ours, then I won't regret that I took their kindness and returning nothing!
And I have a big problem with remembering birthdays not just others' but mine as well 😅!
Honestly, this is just my thing, because everyone's life is different!
But, see what works for you!