There’s a subtle shift that happens when you move from being an engineer to leading engineers. You stop being responsible for the code—and start being responsible for the people who write it.
And yet, the tech industry often underplays one of the most critical skills for that transition: empathy.
Empathy Isn’t Soft—It’s Strategic
Too often, empathy gets dismissed as a “nice-to-have”—a personality trait or a leadership style. But in practice, it’s a system-level force. The more attuned you are to your team’s emotions, energy, and context, the better decisions you make as a leader.
Empathy helps you:
- Anticipate when a high performer is close to burnout
- Spot when a “quiet” teammate is actually feeling excluded
- Uncover misalignment before it turns into conflict
- Offer feedback that lands, rather than just stings
Empathy isn’t about being agreeable. It’s about being connected.
Leading Isn’t Telling—It’s Listening
Jess, an engineering leader I know, took over a team that had been through the wringer: under-resourced, poorly managed, and left on an island. When she stepped in, her instincts told her to rally the team with a vision and start driving change.
But she held back. Instead, for the first few weeks, she listened. One-on-ones. Quiet observations in meetings. Slack messages to check in. She let people talk—not just about the roadmap, but about their trust gaps, their burnout, and their hopes for the team.
What Jess learned shaped everything that followed. She didn’t just start a sprint plan—she started a healing process. And the team? They leaned in, because someone finally saw them.
Empathy doesn’t slow down engineering leadership. It accelerates trust. And trust is a force multiplier.
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Want more like this? I unpack the full story—and what it means for leaders—here:
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