Mastering small talk is an art. What's your go-to strategy for turning a mundane conversation into a memorable one? Share an example!
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Top comments (12)
Pro tip : If you are awkward when talking with a unknown person from the other gender, a great strategy is to communicate with him/her exactly like you communicate with your best friend from the other gender.
You will then naturally be friendly and open and natural while still being you and the awkwardness will evaporate very fast.
This is a pretty weird comment.
Of course I might be wrong in this particular here but the most common reason for people highlighting "the other gender" is sexual interest, so I'm going with that assumption.
The first point then is, that this so-called advice would apply only to straight people, but maybe I'm nitpicking.
Then, why should sexual interest play a role here at all? OP didn't mention it.. Initially you should handle small talk the same way with anybody independent of whether you're interested in them or not.
Finally, advising people to make small talk with people like you're talking with your friends is also at least questionable. You know your friends very well, you have preexisting context, each of you know how you express yourself and you know how to handle that. That absolutely not the case with people you'll make small talk with.
So, yeah, bad advice in my eyes.
Huh? You are assuming wrong. There are 3+ billion people of the other gender and currently I'm sexually interested in only one of them, the one I have a relationship with.
Treating your potential partners as possible friends and normal human beings seems a good idea to me in fact, but that was not my point.
This was a post about small talk, probably intended for people who are awkward at it.
Half of the people you can small talk with are from the opposite gender as it turns out.
For many people it is more awkward to relate with a normal human being from the opposite gender, because stupid shit we learn from our gendered education.
I mean, obviously I didn't mean your personal sexual interest in particular, you probably misunderstood, I meant sexual interest in general.
And how you treat your partner is also besides the point, yes.
Focusing on gender is what I find very very questionable. Assuming that people are awkward towards any gender is what what I find questionable. Advising people to behave in a certain way with "the other gender" is what I find questionable.
The issue here is to assume that the end goal - people should treat people equally without regards to gender - is already reached, or will be reached by not talking about gender.
The contrary is the case, we need to talk about the importance of gender to get over its most pernicious effects
Don't do the same mistake than "colorblind" people who assume they are immune to the racism in their society.
I'm not following, and we might be straying from the original question, which was about small talk.
And maybe more specifically small talk amongst professional or hobbyist peers, since the question has been asked here, on a platform for professional and hobbyist peers.
So, in this specific context, I simply don't understand why you think gender is relevant.
I argue that a guy who had a traditionally male education will not suddenly be free from said education just because someone wishes that it shouldn't play a role in a professional context.
Maybe if you would engage with the discussion, instead of replying to say that we shouldn't have a discussion, then things could me more productive.
What is it I've been doing in all my comments?
When did I do that?
Anyway, your motivation is a bit clearer now, I think. However, I still find your assumption about people's awkwardness with other genders a bit strong. But I guess neither of us has data to prove anything.
Which still leaves a point from one of my previous comments:
I mean, I guess, I get part of the idea. It's supposed to relieve some pressure or stress. But for the reasons I mentioned, it's not necessarily a "great strategy". Especially in a professional context, I certainly don't make small talk with strangers the same way I talk to my friends (also no matter what gender).
In case, you're interested, I've posted my own approach as a root level comment.
You can do whatever you want, I never had an issue with that.
For my part I think that no matter the context being friendly is a good thing . And a good way to treat people in friendly way is to really believe that they can potentially become your friends and act accordingly.
In fact I mostly act the same in my professional and personal life, and the reason for that is pretty simple.
I'm not two different persons with two different lifes, as cool as it sounds, but one single integrated human being.
Find a way to bring up a particular topic and listen actively.
And, most importantly: Be genuine. You won't vibe with everyone
I usually try to learn something, not just something about them, but something from them.
Maybe that's not small talk anymore but medium talk, so maybe my strategy is to get past small talk as quickly as possible.
The question, however, doesn't seem to make that distinction. As in, are we talking about small talk or about memorable conversations? Small talk is when someone's asking how our weekend has been, which doesn't need to become a memorable conversation.
Pro tip:
Take your time to learn your surroundings. People will talk, whether they wish or not, thus you'll learn with who to befriend and from whom to avoid.