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David
David

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The one word that tells you a page is hiding something

Buried in Discord's privacy policy, under a heading called "With your consent":

You can revoke your consent at any time (mostly through our services directly), though note that you might not be able to use any service or feature that requires collection or use of that personal information.

The plain version: you can say no. Then we switch off the thing that needs your data.

That isn't a right. It's a trade wearing a right's clothes. And the tell is one word.

Though.

Everything before the hinge is the gift. Everything after it is the price. And the price decides whether you get to use the product at all.

The hinge word

Most sentences that hide something aren't hiding it in long words. They hide it at the joint. One word turns the sentence, and whatever comes after it is the part the writer hoped you'd skim.

The usual suspects:

  • though / although
  • however
  • but
  • subject to
  • provided that
  • unless
  • "we may"

The tell isn't the word. It's where it sits. If the good news is before the hinge and the conditions are after it, the sentence is doing marketing, not informing.

Test it in ten seconds

Take any sentence that promises you something. Cover everything after the hinge and read the first half out loud. You'll hear the pitch. Now cover the first half and read the second. You'll hear the deal.

If the second half changes what the first half means, the first half was never true on its own.

Why writers do it

Usually not malice. Usually fear. The honest version is longer and looks worse in a screenshot:

You can opt out, but opting out may make the service unusable for you.

Same facts. The second one just refuses to sell you the first half as if it were free.

I rewrite pages for a living, so I read a lot of sentences built like this one. The give-away is almost never the vocabulary. It's the hinge.

Your turn

You have a hinge too. It's the one sentence on your page you'd rather not say out loud. Usually it's the honest reason someone should not buy, or the limit you'd rather they discover later.

Find it. Say it before the hinge instead of after. You'll lose the skim-readers and keep the people who were going to stay anyway.


I do this for other people's pages: one page, rewritten, with the reasons why. https://davidrewrites.surge.sh/

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