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I Surrender

decentgradient profile image Joseph Friedman Updated on ・1 min read

I surrender to you impostor syndrome, maybe you are just correct. Maybe the reason I just can't seem to find a Software Engineer role is that I'm just not good enough. So what, that I've made stuff in multiple languages across multiple domains, gotten certificates in ML and DL, taught and mentored dozens of students through projects even in languages and frameworks I did not know, somehow I'm just not good enough for even the most entry level roles or apprenticeship programs. (No, I haven't only applied for those.)

Or maybe I am good enough and the thing I can't seem to overcome is the bias against people who look different or have a neurological condition, or just an unconventional background and experience like I do. How do I fight against people knowingly or unknowingly doing the wrong thing?

And so, I give up. I free myself from the burdens and expectations that I have placed on myself to overcome all this and grant myself the freedom of just letting it happen.

For today.

Monday, I'll be back.

Disclaimer: this post is an ode to my feelings and being shared in the hope that it will be cathartic to others experiencing similar feelings. THIS IS NOT IN ANYWAY A REQUEST FOR ADVICE ABOUT THE JOB SEARCH PROCESS. IT CERTAINLY DOES NOT ELABORATE ON THE VARIOUS APPROACHES I'VE TAKEN.

Having said that, feel free to contact me if you want to work with me 😁

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Ben Lovy

Too real