We all hear about "Not comparing yourself to others" and that "comparing yourself is the thief of joy". To be honest, I agree and it's strange that...
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I know it's not gonna happen, but I do wish people would stop comparing themselves so much with others, it's the root of many, many issues - compare yourself to a reasonable standard, and be happy ...
I mean, I know there are other devs who are smarter and 'better' than me (I know quite a few), but I genuinely don't care - great for them, I'm happy with what I'm doing, life is not a competition ...
Hey Leob! There are definitely better devs out there. Having a good mindset and know yourself in a healthy way is a good first step if anything. Though I am wondering if some people can make life a competition. The most common advice I heard is treat life as a video game. Wondering in your opinion to what extent it is healthy and when it is not?
People should do whatever makes them feel comfortable, even if it's "competition" - my point is just that it should be voluntary and 'willing', not because people feel compelled to, or because of group/pschychological pressure - I think at that point it stops being "healthy" ...
I have never understood this unless someone's only desire is money above all else.
Why would you want to work for a company that employs tens of thousands of people exactly like you, which does profoundly evil things in its quest to get richer which shape the world in worse and worse ways?
Do you have no morals? No desire to effect change? Do you actively want to make society worse?
People boast about getting into these big companies, when I would be ashamed to even apply.
Hey Ben. I get where you are coming from and I do see that myself because of what's been happening in tech.
In all fairness, I didn't know better lol. I always thought about getting into well known places will get you far. Now, I don't believe that and I don't blame myself back then, especially an undergrad who is trying to find their way into tech for the first time.
Thanks Ben :D
Great post, Francis!
It reminded me of something Carl Jung wrote, that one of the greatest achievements in life is to become who you truly are.
I don't know whether you've ever read Jung, but it feels like you're arriving at a very similar conclusion from your own perspective. I really enjoyed this one.
Hey Sylwia! I never heard of Carl Jung (unless for some reason I have but not on the top of my head). I will take a look at it after getting certified as a Salesforce Admin haha :D
Exactly! 😄 Carl Jung has already been dead for quite a while, so I'm sure he won't mind waiting until you've finished your Salesforce Admin certification. 😂
But in general, I think it's worth spending some of our free time not only on coding, but also on a bit of psychology and philosophy. Especially when you're the kind of person who enjoys thinking deeply and questioning things. I have a feeling you'd appreciate both. 😊
Could've sworn I checked the site twice to make sure I'm in DEV and not in a biblical site.
Ah you got me Adam lol. To be fair, I was trying to think of a title and after rereading it, "I am that I am" fits in my opinion during that day.
I have nothing much to say except that you're doing great, Francis. keep going.
This felt like a continuation of your previous post, and honestly I think I can see a shift in how you're thinking about comparison compared to a few weeks ago.
One thing that really stood out to me was your point about understanding how someone achieved success before comparing yourself to the result. That's something I don't think we talk about enough.
Online we're usually comparing our behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel, and sometimes even that highlight reel leaves out the parts we wouldn't actually want. The sacrifices, the luck, the timing, the failures... all of it.
I also smiled when you mentioned DEV and the people you've met here. It's easy to think "if only I'd done X earlier," but then you realize changing one thing would've probably changed a hundred others too, including the people you met and the experiences that shaped you.
You've also been pretty open about your mental health over the last few months, and I genuinely think these reflections show growth. Not because you've stopped comparing yourself (I don't think any of us ever completely do), but because you're starting to question the comparison itself instead of automatically believing it.
Again wishing you the best for the Salesforce exam too. Looking forward to reading those posts. 💪
Hey Aryan!
I usually don't go on Instagram because the first thing I see is someone's accomplishment. It bums me out every single time to the point I don't want to use it. On DEV, it's mostly everyone sharing their work and providing feedback, which is what I want imo, not some guy saying "I got a Job at Meta" as their post Title and boasting about it on the post.
I would have wished we all acknowledge this more...sooo important imo
Thanks! Noticing it is hard in terms of having SO much content to look over. Stay tuned on study guide articles! Even if you are stopping by one or all of them, I appreciate comments :)
Don't compare yourself with others try to become better than you were yesterday. That is true success. Best wishes for your Salesforce exam! 🎋
Thanks! @webdeveloperhyper said something similar too lol
If you're growing compared to your past self, that's already a win! 🫡 You can't change others, but you can always change yourself. Good luck with your Salesforce exam!
Lol, the comment looks familiar but credit goes to the people inspire me. Respect for @webdeveloperhyper 🙌🏻
The recursion with no base case analogy is so good — and so accurate, because the comparing never terminates on its own, you have to choose to add the base case yourself. Nobody reaches the top of the comparison ladder and feels done, there's always someone else to measure against, which means the only exit is deciding to stop climbing it.
The Flash reference hit differently than expected honestly 😄 The idea that going back to "fix" things would unravel everything that came from those exact experiences — including the people you've met and the person you've become — is such a good way to reframe regret. The path you didn't take also doesn't come with the people you found on the path you did.
The GitHub contribution graph point is one I think about too. A full green graph and a sparse one tell you almost nothing about what someone actually knows or built. Skills show up when things break, not when the squares are full.
Hey Gamya! I like that you mentioned "Nobody reaches the top of the comparison ladder and feels done, there's always someone else to measure against, which means the only exit is deciding to stop climbing it.". The only way to stop comparing yourself in an unhealthy way is to stop climbing the infinite ladder that you know you can't progress. You have to build your own ladder, knowing that you improve the continue you climb. Thanks!
"Build your own ladder" is such a good reframe, because the comparison ladder is infinite and shared, so by definition you can never reach the top, but your own ladder has a different metric entirely. You're measuring against who you were yesterday rather than who someone else is today, and that's actually a race you can make progress in. Thanks for writing the post in the first place; it clearly resonated with a lot of people! 🌸
If you're growing compared to your past self, that's already a win! 🫡 You can't change others, but you can always change yourself. Good luck with your Salesforce exam!
Thanks Hyper. That's also a great thing to add on that I forgot to mention! Improvement takes place when you see yourself improve based on who you were yesterday!
Hope I pass the exam (I actually needed it lol)
Lol the title got me 😂😂😂 'I AM THAT I AM' is God's answer to Moses in Exodus when he asks for His name . my mother used to hit me with that line growing up whenever I misbehaved, like she was channeling scripture at me mid-scolding. Didn't expect a comparison-trap post to bring that flashback back but it actually fits the message well . no explanation needed, just is what it is. Appreciate the shoutout too 🙏
Thanks Daniel! Thought the title fits to the content lol.
You're already better at putting together emotionally compelling posts than 99.99% of devs.
Like everything - the key is balance. Know when it is enough.
Comparing yourself is natural, otherwise you wouldn't differenciate yourself from others or the world. If you don't compare, you don't look at difference.
To make comparing yourself to others healthy you need to change the reason for comparison so the feedback is constructive. Compare yourself in order to learn, grow and align, unite and build your network.
Look at good developers work and learn from it, strive to do the same, network with those developers and grow your development skills. This applies to developers, your personal life, building a business and many areas. When building a business study other businesses, align with those you have affinity and mutal benefit and gauge where you are at by comparing to your group.
Do not compare without purpuse and strategy. That dilutes your effort - which needs comparison to focus. When you see someone is "better" - ask, is that beneficial to me? Is that what I want to be? Do I want to align with that person? Why am I not doing that? How can I do that? Especially with AI we can do as others do - there is no barrier to better except strategy, motivation and focus.
If you compare with purpose the feedback becomes beneficial and you will grow in that area of focus. Soon you'll need to move on to other areas of comparison. Think of it as a landscape you have to traverse optimally rather than blindly comparing to everything in the path.
Hey Bucabay! This is important that you mention this:
We have to ask ourselves if it is something I can take away and use that as my advantage to improve myself. Otherwise, I would just simply be wasting time thinking it.
Thanks! :D
A lovely piece you have written here!. We all in some capacity struggle not to compare ourselves with others, especially when we see someone doing better than us. It's good to point out that apart from not knowing how that person achieved their success, you should develop a positive mindset to people's achievement. You should learn to tell yourself "If this person can do this, so can I".
At the end of the day, we should only be comparing ourselves to ourselves, and use other peoople as inspiration to keep getting better.
Couldn't agree more to "At the end of the day, we should only be comparing ourselves to ourselves, and use other people as inspiration to keep getting better.". Thanks Yahaya :D
You're welcome
I agree with you very much!In fact, "involution" (内卷) is really common in my country, so that you can see many excellent people around you(For example: some primary school students can already earn money with AI, others can get incredibly high scores, etc.)
Actually, you may feel that your life may have been planned out if you were born in my country.When you were a child,you have to study hard and getting higher scores is your only task.When you go to university,your tasks are to study hard, finding an easier job, making a boyfriend(or girlfriend).When you are an adult, you must think your child's education(make sure that they can't be left behind compared with other children)
So if you have an idea or a plan(such as starting a business, travel, developing yourself, etc.)you will be labeled as "not doing proper work".
Meanwhile, if you choose a different way that opposes society, looking at the people around you, you must think about is the way I chose right? Should I give up?
For me, I chose a different way in university(When other students try to study hard so that they can find a great job or go to more excellent university).I chose opensource and planning to start my business(There is no doubt that others may think I'm "not doing proper work").
Though I comfort myself that I'm different from others, I still wonder — should I persist?
In my country, the purpose of learning is not for the development of humanity — it's more for yourself (getting into a good school or finding a job). But I believe this has strayed from the original intention of education. A true learner should dedicate everything to the advancement of humanity.
That's why I chose open source — or rather, I chose to orient myself toward global developers.
Hey elysianx! Thanks for sharing and I have read both of your initial comment and the additional comment below it!
It is interesting to know the term "involution" (内卷). Although I acknowledge that Asian culture is really strict based on my experience and other people's experience, it's interesting to see how that ran in your country and how society views you if you were to do something different.
This leads to the point you made that "A true learner should dedicate everything to the advancement of humanity." I think people are focused on what everyone is doing and following that formula where they should be exploring. That way, we can understand and learn from each other and not in a repetitive state. Thanks for sharing again :D
One thing I really took away from this post is that success looks very different when you understand the journey behind it.
It's easy to compare ourselves to someone's achievements, but we rarely see the sacrifices, failures, and detours that got them there.
I especially liked the idea that "comparing yourself is recursion with no base case" - there will always be someone ahead of us.
At the end of the day, the people we become are shaped by every decision, setback, and opportunity we've had.
Looking at where you are today, it's clear that you've built something meaningful - not just skills and accomplishments, but also relationships and a positive impact on others.
That's something no contribution graph or job title can fully capture.
Keep sharing your journey.
Posts like this remind people that growth isn't about winning against others - it's about becoming someone your past self would be proud of.
Thanks Larry
Success began when we descended and fell, taking support until we reached the highest resistance.
Thanks for the mention. You are awesome the way you are. Keep it up. I'm and the whole dev community is proud of you and stop comparing yourself to others. They are on their journey and you are on your own. You can't compare your struggles with someone's ferrari. But yeah, your articles are awesome resulting in you being awesome and what if we never met, I guess that answer will never be found.
I guess we will never know...it's good to see you active again on DEV and posting. Been wondering where you been in the last few weeks. Hopefully we can collab on some project in the future! God speed Konark :D
Was figuring life and still trying to. Anytime, hmu. I love collaborating with you. You are an awesome developer and an amazing storyteller. I wish I could write something like you someday.😊
I believe you. You would need to be unique to the MAX of your ability. You are free to hit me up on discord or Slack in Virtual Coffee if you needed anything. I am here :)
Quite on point. You think you're comparing apples to apples, because they're your friends, but you're actually comparing apples to oranges, pineapples, even pumpkins. We're all different and the paths we walk are different. If you fixate on what-if's or 'if only's', you'll get stuck in a loop and all that loop does, is slow you down. Like a dog chasing it's tail, except atleast the dog is enjoying it...
Imo, dont even compare yourself to yesterday. Comparison is the death of creativity and it's something we all understood as little kids. We were creative, because we just did, we didnt compare, reason, summarize and elaborate. We just did. Want a mud pie? Well yours looks like a donut, cuz that's what I made.
You can compare pencils to pens, Claude to Gemini, yourself to industry giants like Linus Torvalds, yet all you do is cast a shadow on yourself. They are what and who they are, because of their journeys and so are you. So why make a dog race horses? Why even race dogs at that point, just let them run. Surprisingly, letting go of the future and the past, actually being present in the moment, is the best zen teaching of all, not because it's the key to enlightenment, but because it's the key to lightening your load. Stress, expectations, regrets... All useless.
Just do what you want to do, the things you're passionate about, and you'll be happy even if it leads to you living in a box on the side of the road. Not because that's your goal, but because you didnt expect and you dont regret. Swap the box for a mansion, same story. If you expected, life will always fall short of your expectations. If you regret, you'll never do good enough to be satisfied. So just do, dont care about what anyone thinks of it, not even yourself, that way you actually live, instead of planning and regretting. You learn like a toddler, by burning your hand on a stove, the lesson is imprinted, instead of a recursion function with no exit. Studies have also shown that's the core behind why kids learn faster than adults. Take a language, a baby babbles till it forms the words right, it just does, without trying to do it right. Whereas we'd sooner stay silent than say it wrong.
So it's definitely a good tactic to stop comparing, past, future, other people, jobs, houses, even what's for dinner... Because all it does, is make you less grateful for where you are and that void is filled with envy. When you look at faith, that's about the sum of it. "Trust that the lord shall guide you", "your ancestors walk infront of you, not behind", "To live in the way, is to not swim against, or with the current, but to just be". All the same thing, with different wording: "STOP STRESSING", so you can enjoy every second of life without the burden of the past, or anxiety of the future. That's why those travel vloggers look so happy all the time, because with $20 in their pocket, they actually went hitchhiking instead of sitting at home saying 'I need more, before I can'. It might not always be the path to greatest success, but you'll definitely be happier for it.
Thanks Unit and I agree with "Just do what you want to do, the things you're passionate about, and you'll be happy even if it leads to you living in a box on the side of the road. Not because that's your goal, but because you didnt expect and you dont regret.". Sometimes things on what we do, will lead us to things we never know. If we focus on many things people are doing bc it's popular, we will never get the result we wanted...bc everyone is doing it.
Exactly, you're unique for a reason, use it. If we all did the same thing as everyone else, where'd be the fun in life? It's the diversity and singularity that makes each person incredible in their own right.
I think comparison isn't the enemy, it's what we do with it. If someone else's success inspires you to learn, it's healthy. If it makes you feel like you're falling behind, it's time to step back and remember you're only seeing a small part of their journey. The only comparison that's consistently useful is who you are today versus who you were yesterday.
I think what you said is important: "I think comparison isn't the enemy, it's what we do with it."
Comparison is fine since we are built to compare. It's only a matter of if it is useful for you. Thanks Henry
Banger of a post @francistrdev! I completely agree with the last statement, "you are good enough". Sometimes we find it hard to notice our good sides and then negativity overshadows it. Talking with other people that you look up to will help a lot because you'll notice that they are also trying to be better in some way or another. You'll be surprised by the good traits people would notice about you the moment they say it. So don't fret and know that you're enough.
By the way, this is literally the translation of the recent German meme sound "Du bist gut genug" 🤣
I oversaw that translation LOL
But it's always to have the base case that you are good enough and know to be aware of the skills you have gained and continue forward with it. Thanks Elmar!
Good post! I feel the same a lot of the time. Sites like LinkedIn and Facebook make me feel like crap. I have to remember that that's the entire point of their algorithms, and that our monkey brains didn't evolve with social media, so it easily short circuits us.
As for big tech - I used to want to work there, but I feel that it's a situation where "the grass is greener". The more experience I get, the less I want to break into a big-tech type of job. They have constant layoffs, and companies like Facebook are really doing a lot of societal damage with their promotion of propaganda, misinformation, and content designed to divide everyone against their neighbors. I know the money is good, but I would still not work for Meta if they wanted to hire me.
Hey Dustin!
I am starting to realize this the more I become an experience developer. I mean, I don't blame myself for being jealous of people getting into big tech. Looks good on resume and easier to find future opportunities.
I guess well known names gives you many. I would have wish to get the right support I needed back then more than people flexing about this or that.
Thanks for sharing Dustin :D
This One hit different Francis We spend so much time comparing ourselves to where others are today forgetting that they started somewhere too. Their today is the result of countless yesterdays we didn't see.
The ACT story really hit home. I remember scoring a 20 while my friends were flexing 30s. Felt like I was behind. But looking back? Those behind moments were actually the ones that taught me the most.
The recursion analogy is gold. There's always a bigger fish, always someone more successful. The only person worth comparing to is who you were yesterday.
Loved this one, Francis. Hard way crew, always.
Thanks Harsh. It's also good to note that nobody is perfect. Even if you are perfect, you are not regardless because you will be missing out on the lessons of discipline and hard work.
At the end of the day, when you mention you got a 20 on the ACT, at least you have a foundation to grow upon better than those who gets a perfect score, which they have a more difficult time with that baseline (as I seen with some people who didn't do well in college regardless of them getting a 30 on the ACT). But then again. not assume the worst since I don't know what going on in their lives.
Thank you for the mention, Francis. You genuinely made me feel welcome when I came back to DEV, and that encouragement played a part in me continuing to write. Thank you for being the kind of person who lifts others up 💙
Good luck with your Salesforce exam!
Thanks Hemapriya and appreciate you still being on DEV for sometime. I will continue my best to share that to others as well and stay tune for the Salesforce content!
Good job.
Thanks Vandhuukumer!
It was interesting experience to read your article) thanks))
Maybe we really do get caught up in comparing ourselves to others and that's why we cannot grow up i think
Hey Tamer. I do agree. We could have spend so much time on doing the work than actually thinking about if we are good enough or not! Appreciate it!
So true! The most difficult case for me (to not compare) is that message from HR 'we took another candidate that suits the position more' after the interview rounds.. well..
Yeaa that is common in the job market. To be fair, what else could they say? Some companies do a mix of "We found someone who align with our needs" and "Although you were a great fit". Otherwise, anything specific feedback may lead to lawsuits, so I don't really blame them. Though, it would be nice to have feedback and be open about it (MLH does this for fellowship applications btw). Thanks Marilia :D
Very fair point! At least less anxiety for ‘not being enough’ as a professional :) Thank you too!
I am what I am — a different kind of firework.🎆
There's no comparison in life. Everyone walks their own path — just keep your own pace.
Agreed! Thanks Xulingfeng :D
People say compare to your yesterday, but I was only good in the past
If you are good in the past, try to beat your personal best! It can even be small!
Well I don't really compare myself to others but I don't really like losing either and to boot I'm lazy by default
Ohh I got an article for you on that lol
Overcoming self-doubt and career regrets
It's You.
Thanks and I followed you I didn't see any follower count and thought to let you know
I look forward to seeing more of you posts
Thank you for this "Know you are good enough, and I am serious." Holding it close as I go out in the world to explore AI assisted coding as a non-technical builder.
No problem L. Cordero! I hope your doing well on your journey in the age of AI!
oo
Framing comparison as recursion with no base case is brilliant. Focus on your own loop and the process.
i am glad to be here!
hello guys!
Great post! I love it!
I'm actually setting this as my Out-of-Office message for my upcoming summer break to subtly spread the word.
Everyone I work with needs to read this, they are the reason I am where I am today.
Keep inspiring!
Reading this felt like having a conversation with an older version of myself.
I think a lot more people carry the weight of comparison than they admit. We see someone else's highlight reel and quietly turn it into evidence that we're falling behind. I've done that more times than I can count.
What really stayed with me was this: if we changed every "wrong turn" in our lives, we'd probably lose the people, lessons, and moments that made us who we are today.
I'm still learning to stop asking, "Why am I not there yet?" and start asking, "Am I growing from where I was yesterday?"
Thanks for writing this. Someone out there needed the reminder that being on a different path doesn't mean being on the wrong one.
The "AI fix I refused to merge" part resonates hard. I've been in exactly this situation — AI suggests an optimization that's technically faster but breaks the abstraction in a way that makes future maintenance a nightmare.
Your point about profile-guided optimization is spot on. Too many developers (and AI tools) optimize blindly. I've started using a rule: no optimization without a benchmark proving it matters. It's saved me from merging several "impressive" but pointless AI-suggested changes.
Have you tried combining AI suggestions with PGO data? I've found that giving the AI actual profiling output leads to much better optimization suggestions than just handing it the code.
Never give up on believing in yourself! The best is always yet to come when you dismiss the haters, focus on the challenge, and enjoy yourself in the process. Nice piece.
A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
Positive comparison can be healthy like Ronaldo & Messi 🤣. There's an honest +ve competition under the carpet