We all hear about "Not comparing yourself to others" and that "comparing yourself is the thief of joy". To be honest, I agree and it's strange that I am contradicting myself because I compare myself A LOT.
The more I looked into it, the more I realized that we have a natural tendency to compare ourselves. It's a human thing to do.
The issue is that we tend to be very excessive over comparing ourselves to others to the point where it takes a toll on us. For example, we are demotivated to see someone's success because we believe we can't reach the goal they are in.
We all have jealousy. Big or small. Even where I am at right now, I am still jealous that many people I know that got into big tech companies like Microsoft.
To get more context, I want to share a story with you.
Story Time
Back in the day, I remember it was the year of the ACT. For those who don't know: It's a Standardized test that is needed for the college admissions to determine if you are admitted to their program.
I remember I got a national average of 21 as my composite score and I was proud of the score I got since it's the national average during that time.
However, I remember the day where my friends talked about the ACT. The most common thing I heard was:
"Oh I got a 30"
"I got a 32"
"Man I got a 35, it was sooo easy"
Hearing that makes me feel not only bummed out, but felt left out. I was feeling that I wasn't smart enough to be in the group.
What's worse is that they got accepted into colleges and programs that are well known. Then they start boasting about their accomplishments. I felt like I am the odd-one-out because of my scores and their accomplishments I could not match.
Why am I Talking about this?
Looking back and knowing where they are at now, I am proud of who I become today. It's not that they have fallen downhill (they are still successful), but the route they have taken that I definitely could not follow.
For example, on GitHub, many people fill up their contribution graphs to the max. However, if you were to tell them on what they did specifically, 99% of the time it sounds disappointing. It could be either they are working everyday on their job (makes sense) or they use a bot to trick the recruiter to think that they are productive.
For me, I would rather learn the skills more than "presentation". If I build up the skills, presentation will show that automatically. It's a Win-Win in my book.
Knowing myself and what @codingwithjiro called me out on is that: I do things the hard way.
If I want to get something, I work hard on it. I learned overtime that I can achieve anything when you put your mind to it. And that I did. Not only that, I am proud of my progress. Not only that, I am proud of the results I have and am grateful for it.
Something worth mentioning, out of the blue btw, when I looked back at Season One of "The Flash".
If you go back in time, would you tell yourself to be better in some way?
We all have dreams of this and yes, I would have wish my progress and result would be better. That is what I used to think.
After seeing this scene, it reminds me to be proud of who I am today and knowing that others will also share that too. If I go back and change, I would be a completely different person that I am today and knowing I would never be satisfied. That is what comparing does to you if you continue to think excessively. It makes you think that you could have been a different person, but we fail to see if there are other aspects of us that change for the worse.
Sure, you go back in time where you tell yourself to get into Google and showing how. However, as a result, maybe the caveat is that it resulted you into becoming more egotistic or that you are a bad person.
If I were to go back in time to change the things I did, I would never be on dev.to. I would be living in a dystopian timeline that I am not prepare for (which is the case for Barry in that show when he actually went back in time and prevented the murder of his mom).
I would never meet people like @itsugo and @codingwithjiro. I would never meet people like Richard and @dannwaneri. I would never know that I changed people's lives on dev.to such as @hemapriya_kanagala where she mentioned that I welcomed her back on dev.to, which resulted in her continuing posting on dev.to! All this from a Google Meet Call btw.
What would dev.to be, without me and you in the equation? Would it have been the same today? Something that I had in mind while writing this post...
What is the Point?
Been rambling a bit so let's cut to the chase. If you were following along in the previous section above, you know that there is a mask to success. Yes, people show success, but once you figure out how they got there, it shows a different light. Showing that mask of success will get you far until someone questions you in various ways.
Here is a VERY good example of this where this guy made a skit about some guy claiming he got a job at Facebook, but nope:
Maybe comparing yourself to others isn't the problem, it's the problem where we stop questioning ourselves about how others get success in the first place.
Here is something to think about that helped me this year.
1. Comparing yourself is like a Recursion with no base case.
Just because you believe that this person is a God-Tier programmer, it does not mean that this person is the #1 in the world.
You could argue about that the number one programmer has no one to compare too. Keep in mind there are BILLIONS of people in this world and there may be a case where that programmer is comparing themselves to someone that has not be documented on the internet. We will never know.
Always assume there is a bigger fish to fry. There is no end to becoming better than the other.
2. Know more about how they got to their success in the first place.
Think of this. Imagine Person A and Person B got a score of 30 on the ACT. However, Person A got their score by hard work, mentorship, etc. Person B achieve that score by bribe and other illegal stuff (this actually happened btw).
Who would you chose? I would choose Person A if anything.
If I were to chose Person B, sure, I would get success, but once people start digging into it, it's over. Everything you built, everything you have done, is just a PNG...not an actual thing from the PNG.
3. Know you are good enough, and I am serious.
We all felt for this when we compare ourselves too much to the point where we doubt our skills.
Know that no matter where you are at right now, you are worth more than you know. Maybe you are not seeing it right away, but the more people you talk too, the more you will see how others value your skills. It takes a while, but eventually, you will find someone who values you.
For example, me and @codingwithjiro talked almost on a daily basis and I notice how we kept on complementing each other about our skills and knowledge in the developer space. Yes, maybe at first glance, we see big numbers and assume they are successful.
However, overtime, we understand each other that we always have something new to learn and grow. Elmar knows more front end stuff than me and I know more about the Software Development Cycle than him. The point is Never judge a book by its cover. There is always room to grow.
The next time you compare yourself, don't think about the result. Think about the process. That way, you will never be disappointed.
I hope this has helped you. I have been studying the Salesforce Administrator certification for sometime and I am planning on releasing articles on dev.to about that, so expect more content revolving around that for a while. I will be creating a guide on studying for the exam that would be helpful for me and others who are getting into this certification. Just to let you guys know :)
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