For Hire: Brutally Honest Web Developer

#webdev #hiring #javascript #workplace

Hello, potential employer! Here is what you can expect if you employ me...

I Believe

Writing code:
- Is a very personal, creative process
- Is best done alone, without interruptions
- Is an art form
Excessive planning will usually lead you to the wrong result - the best way to work is organically
The best developers are self taught
Everything should be questioned
The most enjoyable coding is when you're also learning something new
Deadlines are usually arbitrary, and should generally considered a very low priority
Sometimes, 'clever' code is actually better code
Developers should actually understand what they are doing, and the code they are writing/pushing
A project does not have to be useful to be worthwhile
2 week sprints are way too short
Code does not need to be understandable by the most junior person in the team

Write code in the way I want, based on many years of experience
Push back against poor or deliberately enshittified user experiences
Want to understand as many parts of the system I'm working on as is humanly possible
Sometimes write esoteric, experimental code for fun
Be uncannily good at finding UI issues and bugs, and will relentlessly write up every one
Avoid React, Tailwind, and Typescript like the plague
Prefer writing things from scratch instead of importing a million libraries for the simplest things
Rarely update tickets assigned to me
Advocate for simplicity and consistency
Use the tools I want to use, in the way I want to use them

Accept that it is okay to write stuff that only works on Chromium browsers
Use VS Code
Stay in meetings any longer than I need to, especially if there is no benefit to me being there
Estimate
Break down tasks into small sub-tasks before working on them. Breakdowns are generally not even close to being right
Write or use automated tests
Adhere to dogmatic guidelines about 'Clean Code'
Open JIRA more than twice a week
Do your shitty, dehumanising AI interview