Cover image by Fachstelle für Öffentliche Bibliotheken NRW on Flickr.
If you're a bit like me you probably think a lot about how to make your soft...
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Holy fuck, it took me way too long to realize this was a joke :D
Well done, sir!
slow clap
I went through the first first one thinking I'm not so sure about that, does it really increase performance though? Got to the second one and thought I guess this makes sense, but readability-wise no... "no more than two letters"... ohhh, I see what's going on here.
This will start popping up in search results given the organic boost of dev.to and a lot of newbies will NOT know this was a joke...not everybody reads the conclusion! You might want to consider changing the post title sometime in the future.
Reading this in mid-August meant I didn't realize it was an April fool - I certainly wasn't fooled that these were performance improvements. Instead, it read to me like a snarky jibe aimed at those seasoned ex-perl devs and the like who had some very bad habits. Those habits happened to serve fairly well as a way of keeping one's job.
Haha, interesting interpretation :D
I never used Perl, I just read once that it was the reason PHP was invented and if you had to invent PHP to solve something, things probably went awry XD
Just so I don't get flamed, I did say "perl and the like"! PHP started life as 2 perl scripts designed to make perl easy to use to create web pages, from there it exploded into the most popular web programming language for a good 10 years.. can't have been that bad! PHP4 did have some crazy performance hacks that made it run faster, like not splitting your classes into separate files, just one long huge file made a super difference to performance!
Just was making fun here :)
I started my career with PHP and was a PHP developer for 5 years or so.
I did laugh hard over your suggestions, but I just had to try number 4 in console, what a hilarious way to code! x'D
Now I understand that you tried to go from simple to complex ideas, but variable names really ring a bell that this is a joke - maybe little too early.
I was reasoning about how deferring things to the event loop like that would make things better when I realized the date this article was published xD
And, tbh, I only started really doubting things when I got to the with section :P
Thanks for sharing. I've noticed a 3x performance gain after implementing these changes!
Next: Delete system32
Translate to spanish and post it december 28th.
Great article K! Any downside of each code you introduced? By the way, you post is appeared on April 2nd in Japan :). So you should be serious!
I just realized this was a joke after seeing:
// instead of
myRandomNumber = Math.random();
// write
r = 17;
A lovely one
You monster
Hilarious!
The well kept performance secrets senior JS devs hiding from you <- This should have been the title.
Kne it as soon as I saw global variables lol.
I think my head melted reading those "performance tips". Then I read the conclusion section and facepalm'd myself. Good one!
Nothing like a good old trolling on the Interwebz
lol I got what's going on after reading the 2nd x'D well done! I just hope some noob won't take it literally....
I had to scroll back up to check the date about half way down by setTimeout. I had my doubts for the first few but that one was just too much! Hehe.
Nice post! I think everyone that cares about performance should write entire webapps in pure WebAssembly like old school people 💪💪💪.
The example in #3 is an actual improvement🤷
But no 5 is legit isn't it? or is there any disadvantage of using with(object)? other than scoping.
As I read it, I found myself getting quite angry. Thank you.