Posted on Sep 4, 2017 • Originally published at samjarman.co.nz

Your Ultimate Guide to Corporate Jargon

#humor #corporatelife #workplace #jargon

In this somewhat satirical Junior Dev Diaries post, I want to cover office/tech/workplace jargon and terms. Most of these were completely new to me, and too often now I find myself using them fluently, and for that, I hate myself.

The Terms

Across It – This means understand it after looking at it for a while. Example “Oh, I’m not across that new work that Jane did on the project yet”.

Catch Up – Have a conversation. “I’d like to catch up next week to discuss the project”

Check In – Have a conversation. “I’d like to check in next week to discuss the project”

Touch Base – Have a conversation, but you want to be a creep about it. “I’d like to touch base next week to discuss the project”

Push Back – You didn’t get your way, sometimes with a reason. “They pushed back on that approach, they wanted us to find a cheaper way”.

Challenge It/You – Tell you you’re wrong, maybe with reasons. Usually for your own benefit or your arguments benefit (you may not have explained it right). “I might just challenge you on that, what if we used a 3rd party solution instead?”

Scope – The work to do, and what you don’t need to do. “Oh that’s out of scope.”

Deliverable – The things that are outputs of the work, such as code or a document.* “Can you add the documentation to the project deliverables? Ta!”*

Value Add – The positive impact you add to the company or product. “Yeah, but what’s the value add here? I dont know if the new client will benefit from that!?”

Pair – Work together on something, because two people will make it go faster…right? “I’ll pair with you on that document”.

Conscious Of – Stressing out about something, but a bit more calmly. Something might be bugging them and it’s bugging them that it’s not bugging you. “I’m conscious of the time left on the project and the remaining deliverables do be done. How can I help?”

Make a Case – Forming a coherent argument for something that isn’t trivial. “That idea sounds great, Sam. I’ll get you to make a case for it at the next meeting.”

Go Live – When something is being released to the public. Nothing to do with a biological heartbeat. “The new health and safety legislation is going live next week – you’ll see press about it…”

Challenges – The stuff we need to figure out but we’re trying to stay positive about it. “Brad, I’m keen to hear about the challenges a two new team members will bring!”

Opportunities – False hope of benefits by the under-informed. “I’m really excited by the opportunities Artificial Intelligence will bring to our company”

In This Space – Sentance sugar for “here” that makes you sound so much smarter. Often combined with previous jargon. “I’m really excited about cryptocurrency. There’s a lot of opportunity in this space.”

Fall out – Failing on a commitment but trying to get away with it. Somewhat of a “basket of deliverables metaphor I think? “I’m afraid that the video feature will probably fall out of this sprint.”

Descoping – Failing on a commitment but trying to get away with it. “I’m afraid that the video feature will probably be descoped for this task.”

So that’s a few terms to start learning and using around the office. You can mix and mash them too. Get creative. How many can you jam into a single phrase? Remember, the smarter you sound, the better you are. Think about it – If you’re not both translating in and out of this corporate wankery – are you really working?

Better living everyone.

Thanks to my good friends in my life who I have a bit of a laugh about this with every now and then. They helped me form this most wonderful list. â¤