It's 3:12 AM and I'm staring at my monitor in my apartment. The AC is barely keeping up with the heat, and there's a growing pile of energy drink cans next to my keyboard. My roommate's been asleep for hours, but here I am senior frontend developer by day, debugging warrior by night - having another one of those conversations with myself.
The bug I've been chasing for the past four hours should have been a five-minute fix. A simple comparison in an charts calculation. But JavaScript had other plans, as usual.
I lean back in my chair and finally admit what I've been avoiding for months. This relationship needs to end.
Dear JavaScript,
You and I need to have that talk. The one I've been putting off since my college days when I first fell for your promises of flexibility and simplicity. Five years of building everything from simple collage projects, startup idea MVPs to the enterprise dashboards. It is a long drive that going on and on, and I'm exhausted. Let me tell you why this isn't working anymore.
Your Type System Drives Me Insane
When we first met in that JavaScript bootcamp back in 2018, you seemed so laid-back about types. "Don't stress about it," you whispered through my VS Code intellisense. "I'll figure it out." That charm lasted exactly until my first production bug:
0 == false; // true
"0" == false; // true
0 == ""; // true
false == ""; // true
[] == false; // true
I remember that disaster at my previous company. Three days before a production launch, the payment calculation started adding strings instead of numbers. "₹1050" became "₹10050" because an API returned string values. The manager's face when I explained that JavaScript thought "10" + "50" equals "1050" instead of 60... man, that was awkward.
You change my integers into strings without asking permission. You make my booleans dance with numbers in ways that would make a mathematician cry. It's like dating someone who changes their personality based on who they're talking to. I never know which version of you I'm going to get when I wake up.
The 'This' Keyword Betrayal
Your this behavior has given me trust issues. One moment it's pointing exactly where I expect, the next it's wandering off to the global scope like it forgot we were together:
const myProject = {
deadline: "Tomorrow",
showDeadline: function() {
console.log(`Project due: ${this.deadline}`); // Works perfectly here
}
};
const remindMe = myProject.showDeadline;
remindMe(); // Suddenly 'this' points to window - what the hell?
Last month, I spent an entire weekend debugging a Angular component because I forgot to bind this in an event handler. The client demo was on Monday. I literally had nightmares about undefined properties. My girlfriend at the time said I was talking about JavaScript on a date where i should have talked about her. Ohh Js, That should have been a red flag.
It's like trying to have a serious conversation with someone who keeps looking over your shoulder at other people. You can never maintain focus when you don't know who you're really talking to.
Callback Hell Nearly Broke Me
You made me write code that looked like the digital equivalent of a horror movie:
setTimeout(() => {
console.log('Loading user data...');
setTimeout(() => {
console.log('Fetching preferences...');
setTimeout(() => {
console.log('Finally rendering UI...');
// By now I've lost track of what's happening
}, 1000);
}, 1000);
}, 1000);
I still have nightmares about the Node.js project from my first job. A simple user registration flow had eight levels of nested callbacks. My code looked like a Diwali rocket lost among a bunch of other firecrackers made of promises and errors. I called it the "callback cathedral"—tall, confusing, and enough to make me question my life choices.
Sure, you eventually gave me promises and async/await, like buying flowers after a big fight. But the psychological damage was done. Too many 2 AM sessions untangling those pyramid-shaped nightmares.
Your Prototype System Feels Like a Secret Society
Your approach to inheritance is like having family relationships explained through riddles:
function Developer(name) {
this.name = name;
this.coffeeLevel = 100;
}
Developer.prototype.code = function() {
console.log(`${this.name} is coding and needs more coffee`);
};
const me = new Developer('Ankitkumar');
me.code(); // It works, but why does it feel so indirect?
When I was mentoring my cousin who's learning programming (he's coming from Python), I spent three hours trying to explain why JavaScript objects work this way. He kept asking, "But where's the class definition?" I ended up drawing diagrams on my whiteboard that looked like a conspiracy theory flowchart.
Other languages show you exactly what's happening. You make me dig through prototype chains like I'm solving archaeological puzzles. I just want to create objects, not become a detective.
You Can't Handle Real Work
When I need serious computational power, you freeze up like my laptop during a Windows update:
I'll never forget the data visualization project that almost killed me. The client wanted real-time analysis of 500,000 records. My beautiful JavaScript solution turned their browser into a slideshow. I had to explain to a room full of developers and managers why their "modern web application" was slower than Excel. The shame still keeps me up sometimes.
You're perfect for making buttons click and forms submit, but when things get mathematically intense, you tap out faster than a lightweight boxer. It's like dating someone who's great at small talk but can't help you move apartments.
Your Module System Has Commitment Issues
First you had no modules. Then CommonJS. Then AMD. Then UMD. Then ES6 modules. Now I'm stuck managing this relationship complexity:
// Sometimes I have to do this
const express = require('express');
// Sometimes this
import React from 'react';
// And sometimes this abomination
(function(global, factory) {
// AMD/UMD wrapper hell
})(this, function() { /* actual code hidden somewhere */ });
The migration project at my company took four months because half our dependencies were stuck in CommonJS while we wanted to use ES6 modules. Our Webpack config file became longer than some of my actual components. I had to become a build tool expert just to import files properly.
You couldn't decide how you wanted to handle relationships, so you kept changing the rules mid-game. Now I need a PhD in tooling just to include one library in another.
Memory Management Feels Like Babysitting
You promised automatic garbage collection, but somehow I'm still the one cleaning up your mess:
The single-page application I built for that my side project started consuming 2GB of RAM after running for an hour. Turns out I had event listeners multiplying like rabbits, never properly removed. The users had to refresh the page every hour to keep their computers from crashing. Professional embarrassment doesn't begin to cover it.
You don't force me to clean up, but if I forget, everything slowly degrades until users start complaining. It's like living with someone who promises to do dishes but leaves everything "soaking" indefinitely.
DOM Manipulation Turns Into Wrestling Matches
Working with the DOM through you feels like trying to perform surgery while wearing oven mitts:
That data table component I built last year took three weeks to get right. Every cell update caused the entire page to reflow. Users were complaining about lag on their laptops. I spent more time profiling performance than actually implementing features.
Cross-browser compatibility issues, mysterious reflow problems, performance bottlenecks that appear randomly - working with you and the DOM is like mediating a three-way argument where nobody speaks the same language.
Global Namespace Pollution Everywhere
You let me (and every library I use) dump variables into the global space like it's a public trash can:
// Oops, forgot to declare this
projectName = 'My Awesome App'; // Now it's everyone's problem
I spent two days debugging a mysterious conflict between jQuery and some analytics library because both were overwriting each other's $ variable. The symptoms appeared randomly, making it feel like my code was haunted. My debugging approach basically became "remove libraries one by one until it works."
It's like sharing a studio apartment with strangers who leave their stuff everywhere and never clean up.
Your Ecosystem Gives Me Analysis Paralysis
React or Vue or Angular or Svelte? Webpack or Vite or Rollup? Jest or Vitest or Cypress? TypeScript or Flow or vanilla?
I have a bookmark folder called "JS Tools to Learn" with 73 items. I added five more yesterday. I've actually tried maybe 30% of them and mastered about 10%. Every new project starts with an hour of "which framework should we use?" meetings where everyone has different opinions based on different Medium articles they read.As an Angular developer, I used to always vouch for it. Eventually, people started calling me "Angular Ankit" because of how much I supported it.
Every month there's some new framework I used o keep in my "absolutely must" learn folder. Every project begins with three hours of tooling decisions before I write a single line of actual business logic. I'm spending more time managing the relationship overhead than building things.
The Double Equality Disaster
You gave me two ways to check if things are equal, and somehow both feel wrong half the time:
if (userAge == 18) // Sometimes this works
if (userAge === 18) // Sometimes I need this
if (userAge == '18') // Sometimes this is what I actually want
I had to explain this to my junior developer teammate last week. "There's equals and then there's really equals," I told him. "Use really equals unless you specifically want the weird behavior of regular equals." He looked at me like I was describing a broken relationship, which... yeah, actually.
Why do I need a mental flowchart to determine which equality operator won't betray me?
The NaN Philosophy Crisis
You told me NaN means "Not a Number" but then you classified it as type number:
console.log(typeof NaN); // "number" - seriously?
console.log(NaN === NaN); // false - of course
console.log(Number.isNaN(NaN)); // true - finally some truth
I've lost count of how many times I've stared at this behavior trying to explain it to myself, let alone other developers. It's like philosophical absurdism turned into code. My brain still hurts thinking about it.
This isn't quirky or charming. It's just broken logic that makes me question my sanity.
Math That Makes No Mathematical Sense
console.log(0.1 + 0.2); // 0.30000000000000004
console.log(0.1 + 0.2 === 0.3); // false
The e-commerce bug that haunts my dreams. Floating point precision errors caused customers to be charged ₹999.99999999 instead of ₹1000.00. The payment gateway rounded it down, but our database stored the exact value. Reconciliation was a nightmare. I had to write a whole library just to add money correctly.
You can't do basic arithmetic. That's not a feature - that's a fundamental flaw that breaks trust in computational results.
The Breaking Point
I get up from my desk and walk to my small balcony. Mumbai never sleeps, and I can hear the distant traffic, the occasional honking, people living their lives. I've been thinking about this for months.
JavaScript, we had some good times. You helped me land my first job, build my portfolio, earn enough to move out of my parents' house and yeah becouse of you i'm able to explore the world of browsers and web apps. You gave me a career, taught me about asynchronous programming, showed me how the web works.
But I can't keep making excuses for your behavior.
You're everywhere - browsers, servers, mobile apps, desktop applications, even embedded systems now. You've conquered the world through sheer ubiquity. But being popular doesn't fix fundamental personality flaws.
I think about my friend Rahul who switched to Go for backend work. He seems happier, more productive. His code is predictable. His deployments don't randomly break because of type coercion. He sleeps better.
I need something that tells me when I'm making mistakes instead of letting me deploy broken code to production. I need a language that does math correctly, handles types consistently, and doesn't make me second-guess every comparison.
My New Plan
Tomorrow I'm starting that TypeScript migration I've been postponing for eight months. Strict mode, proper interfaces, the works. For backend projects, I'm learning Rust. Maybe some Python for data work.
I'm not saying you're evil, JavaScript. You're just wrong for where I am in my career now. I need reliability over flexibility, predictability over "interesting" behavior.
I think about all the junior developers I've mentored, warning them about your quirks. "Always use triple equals," I'd say. "Remember to bind this." "Watch out for type coercion." Maybe they wouldn't need those warnings with a different language.
You taught me valuable lessons about debugging, about questioning assumptions, about reading documentation carefully. Those skills will serve me well with other languages.
But I'm ready for a relationship that doesn't require a list of warnings and workarounds.
The Final Word
I head back inside, save my current project, and close VS Code. Tomorrow I'll start fresh with TypeScript. Maybe Rust for the passion project I've been planning.
It's not me, JavaScript.
It's definitely, absolutely, 100% you.
- Ankitkumar Singh, A JavaScript Developer
PS: I'm keeping you for legacy projects, but we're not building anything new together. Consider this a separation.
I make one last cup of chai, sit by my window, and watch the city lights flicker in the distance. Change is scary, but staying in a frustrating relationship is worse.
Top comments (0)