The past few months have been challenging. Every task felt daunting. Thinking about them alone drains my body and mind. I kept wondering, what was wrong with me? Am I sick? but got no answers.
I felt exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. The tasks I used to sweep through felt like roadblocks. Am I getting depressed? I always asked myself. I was supposedly okay.
I kept going, and sooner than I expected, I was caught up in the dark web of the non-medical condition that grazes the most passionate individuals; burnout.
Burnout consumed me because I didn’t spot the signs early. I kept pushing through to build discipline but didn’t know when I fell off the cliff.
What burned me out? Did I do anything specific that caused it? These questions kept creeping into my little head but I didn’t get the answers.
The Costs of Burnout
It started from losing interest in my hobbies, I was slowly not enjoying coding again, studying was like lifting a big rock, and even my very best friend; writing seemed far from me. I wanted to reconnect with her but I couldn’t.
My system was full of drafts, and every attempt to start a project ended in frustration. A couple times, I got new project ideas that sparked my creativity but there was something I just couldn’t do; being productive.
Days of unproductivity turned into weeks of sadness. I started disliking my tech skills, and school was becoming uninteresting.
I was curious, how could something so tiny, so unrecognized have such a great impact and make me falter. A high-standard woman like me? Or is it age-related? I was confused. So I decided to go home.
My clothes were roughly packed, and my essentials were hastily thrown into my laptop bag, then I headed home.
At home, I couldn’t do anything meaningful I blankly stared at my ceiling all day. Sickness also amplified it. I was diagnosed with malaria, so it was a contributing factor. Though I felt better after treating the malaria, nothing changed in my mental state. I just wanted to travel this road alone and discover how to get out of this mess.
The Path to Recovery
I read articles, watched videos, and explored journals searching for how I could clear this menace and prevent myself from falling prey to its poisonous venom again.
Everything I discovered was summarized in this article, unseen costs of burnout in tech professionals (so this piece is not too long). It is not only for tech leads, it’s for everyone.
The key changes I made were prioritizing rest, creating balance, timeboxing, and celebrating achievements. In between moments of practicing these, I stumbled on Nir Eyal’s Indistractable and it was the absolute game changer.
I learned how to manage my digital life even as a techie. It turns out I spend an unhealthy amount of time on my screen, whether studying, coding, or writing. I started journaling on paper, showing gratitude, and praying much longer.
Slowly my passion started creeping in again, like the first rays of dawn after a long, dark night, and my spark was becoming more pronounced. In that moment of struggle, self-discovery happened: My passion, potential, and purpose.
What can I do with no gains attached? What truly makes me happy even if no achievements are tied to it?
Writing is the place I stay true to myself, without judgment or prejudice. She allows me to express my emotions, moods and thoughts.
Writing is cathartic, perhaps that is why I love her. Whether one person or no person reads, it doesn’t matter. It feels like I’m building a time library where you can visit me, who I was, and remember how I felt without missing anything.
My point is to find that one thing that truly inspires you and do it when you feel burned out. It can be a way of healing. And if a break is possible, please take it.
The Lessons
Take life easy; you can’t have everything figured out. If you don’t spot the signs of burnout early it will make more impact than you can imagine. When everything seems not to be working; tech, school, life; stick to that one thing that makes you feel authentic.
In Conclusion
I’m rediscovering my passions, and while I’m still on this journey, I’m hopeful. If you’re feeling lost, know that recovery is possible. Take it one step at a time; your spark will return. I hope this is a safe way of sliding back into your lives without any explanation for being away. Stay with me.
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