Okay, so I never thought I'd write a "this taught me about b2b sales" post, but here we are. It's a stressful time to be in technology. It moves fast, it's got hundreds of voices screaming at you to think this way or that, layoffs are everywhere, and tech interviews are nightmares right now. I'm stressed, like everyone, but I do think I tend to be less stressed because of meditation.
I meditate every day, usually twice. A 10 minute free-style guided meditation in the morning and a vagus breathing exercise for 5 minutes at night before sleep. I also go to my local meditation center a couple times a month on Sundays for longer walking and sitting meditations, which I use to practice loving kindness. But I think a short, daily sit is plenty to get the benefits.
So, these are actual ways meditation has helped me be better at my job:
Number five, being present and recognizing when I'm not.
Meditation has the goal, ultimately, of being mindful of the current moment. The past is in your head, the future is in your head, you can only exist in the here and now. There had been times I desperately wanted to solve something but simply could not get out of own way, out of my own head. But a phrase I've heard in meditation is the harder you hold onto water, the more it slips from your hands. You have to cup it gently. I've learned to get up, walk away, look out the window, hold myself gently and not beat myself up for not solving it right away. Usually when I do that, I can come back and see a path forward almost immediately.
Number four, pulling back to see a bigger picture.
I've meditated for anxiety and pain many times. With anxiety or pain, you get so laser focused on the feeling that you lose sight of anything else. But with meditation, the idea is to pull back and spread your awareness to other things, sounds, smells, the wind, your breath. This has helped me a lot when I've been stuck in rabbit holes or in the toil of breaking down a complex feature. I can take a breath and take a step back to see, not just the problem, but what is surrounding the problem, which is usually very useful.
Number three, try again and never feel bad about it.
An important part of meditation is recognizing that it isn't about emptying your mind of thought, it's about accepting your mind will think and that's okay. You simply notice you're thinking and return to the breath. Over and over again, sometimes hundreds of a times in a session. This practice has made tackling problems much more palatable. I don't get it right the first time? Okay, no need to spend time agonizing or beating myself up, I try it again, and again, until it works.
Number two, is learning to take a beat before acting.
In meditation we call this the pause, the moment of stillness between the in breath and out breath. The goal being to sit in the moment of stillness when you first feel the need to react to something, so you can choose how to react. A pause after someone asks a seemingly antagonistic question. You sit for a moment, just a beat, and ask yourself, "how do I actually want to respond to this? Do I want to get frustrated or be curious?" When acting with intention, you can react in a way you won't regret later.
And the number one way, is leading with kindness and empathy in communication.
Making software is difficult sometimes, ya'll. We deal with complicated products with complex, abstract logic that you need to communicate well enough that multiple people understand precisely. That's NOT easy. It IS easy to get frustrated and unpleasant to others.
So, obviously the pause helps with communication. Beyond that, I do something called a Loving Kindness meditation sometimes, where I basically try to extend empathy and warm wishes to strangers. I hope for myself to be safe, healthy, happy and then I extend that hope to others. It sounds real hippie, I know, but I swear it helps. I can be in a frustrating conversation with, say, product and now feel a wave of empathy for the pressure they're probably feeling from their own management. Or in a long back and forth with QA, I can tap into the empathy for their position of quality. Or I can be understanding of people who are excited to use AI and those who are terrified. It helps me see so much more grey.
So, what's the point here? I mean, I do truly think everyone should try and meditate, and I do think it's helping me approach this crazy time in our industry with empathy and an open mind.
But if that's not in the cards, that's okay too. The one thing I would want you to take away is to remember your breath and just take a pause before you react to something, whether you are anxious or frustrated or infuriated or uncertain, so you act from a place of choice rather than reaction. See how that ripples out into your interactions with others and yourself. You might just become a better dev and coworker.
Breathe. Pause. Choose.
Top comments (2)
"Breathe. Pause. Choose." is the whole thing in three words. Your subconscious decides what you notice through a filter called the RAS. When an antagonistic question lands in a meeting, the filter flags it as a threat before you've even finished hearing it, and your body tenses up on its own. That pause you describe is the gap where you stop reacting to the alarm and start answering the actual question. Most people never find that gap, so they defend instead of think.
One more layer. Meditation teaches the alarm to settle on the cushion and at your desk. The filter learns by context, though, so it can still fire in rooms you haven't practiced in, like a hard conversation or a stranger at a party. So take the calm out the door too. Genuine compliment to a stranger. When that is easy, add a bit of conversation. Does not matter how it lands. The action is the win. When one room gets easy, find a harder one. Love the Loving Kindness angle for product and QA.
Thank you for sharing this so openly. The image of cupping water gently instead of gripping it really stuck with me, especially for those moments when a bug just won't give. A daily sit plus longer walking meditations on Sundays is such a kind routine to give yourself in a stressful year for tech. How long did it take before you noticed it changing the way you work through hard problems?