The Day Off
Didn't post yesterday was outside the whole day so I'm counting it as a day off. Leetcode and github streak broke again. Restarted today. At this point breaking and restarting streaks is its own rhythm.
The Usual Routine
Woke up, did a leetcode question, hit the workout. Honestly I wonder sometimes if self-hate is the only reason I workout consistently. Like is it discipline or am I just punishing myself in a socially acceptable way? Probably both.
Today I worked on the pipeline part in scikit learn. Not completed yet but making progress. Pipelines are interesting, they let you chain preprocessing and modeling steps together so your workflow is cleaner. Makes deployment easier too.
The Thing I Lost
Gng I need to admit something. Along the way while growing up, I feel like I lost what people call human affection.
If I like someone, as a friend, doesn't even have to be romantic, I immediately assume there's no reason for them to like me back. So I just cut them off first before they can leave. It's easier that way. Cleaner.
My parents think I don't have the kind of affection one should have. Found out in yesterday's argument that apparently I was never supposed to be born too lmao. That came out casually, like it wasn't a big deal to say. But whatever, I know that's what I am like now.
I don't know when exactly I became like this. When caring about people started feeling like setting yourself up for disappointment. When isolation became easier than connection.
The Hackathon Invite
A batchmate asked me to join her hackathon team today. Just to pitch though. That's all they need me for the presentation guy. Not to actually build, just to sell it.
It's funny in a way. People recognize you're useful for specific things but not enough to actually want you around otherwise. Transactional relationships are simpler I guess.
Day 12 Done
Some days are about code and learning. Some days you realize how disconnected you've become from people and you're not sure if you want to fix it or if you're fine with it.
Today was both.
Scikit learn progress made. Human connection still pending. Maybe it always will be.
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