F stands for fuck up. This is day zero of that.
What Happened
I didn't touch my laptop for 3 months. Not once.
Why? Because I thought I found it. The girl. The friends. The "normal life" everyone keeps saying you need. I put everything aside, projects, code, the stuff that actually made sense to me—because I thought maybe this time it would work.
It didn't.
The 3 Months
She was amazing. Or I thought she was. The kind of person who made me think maybe I could be normal. Have a girlfriend, hang out with friends, do regular people things on weekends instead of debugging at 2am.
So I tried. I really did.
Laptop stayed closed. Projects died. That AI thing I was excited about? Forgot about it. That web app idea? Never happened. I was too busy trying to fit into a life that looked right but felt wrong.
How It Ended
She left. Said I wasn't present even when I was there. Said something was always off. And she was right—I was pretending the whole time and we both knew it.
The friends? Turns out they tolerated me. They're gone too.
Now it's just me and this laptop that I abandoned for someone who abandoned me.
The Truth I Keep Learning
Some of us aren't built for that life. The relationship, the social stuff, the balance everyone talks about. And that's not me being dramatic or broken—it just is what it is.
I'm good at code BECAUSE I'm bad at that other stuff. All those hours normal people spend on relationships and socializing? I spent them learning, building, fixing things. You can't do both. At least I can't.
Starting Over (Again)
Exams are happening right now which is terrible timing but honestly when is it ever good timing?
I need to code. Not because it's productive or because I'm "grinding" or whatever. I need it the way some people need the gym or therapy. When I don't have it, my head goes bad places.
So here we are. Day F0. Fuck up zero.
Laptop's open. VS Code is loading. And yeah, it's been 3 months but muscle memory is a funny thing.
What's Next
I don't know. I'm just going to build stuff. Maybe something useful, maybe something stupid. Doesn't matter.
No more pretending to be normal. No more choosing people who'll leave anyway over the one thing that's always been there.
Just me and the code.
If you're reading this and you get it—like actually get it—then you know. Some of us just work different.
Let's see where this goes.
Starting from F0. Because sometimes you gotta fuck up to figure out what actually matters.
Top comments (1)
Good take, great even - you're different, I'm different, everyone's different, we aren't "clones", we don't need to fit someone's preconceived mold because we "should" be this or that - follow your passion, f*k the rest!